strange air

i'm tired this Thursday.  i have been on the go for two days, seems like.  its not the bad kind of tired, it's far from the worst i've felt.  the pain in my foot has ebbed, i believe.  it is still there, and it is sharp at moments, but i am walking, i am getting around.  i feel okay, for the most part.  how good can one feel at a certain point in their life?  how good can a person be when the tide has begun to recede and the debris is exposed on the beach?

yesterday turned out okay.  i hung out with Rachel for the most part.  not in the way of the plan, as she didn't get up til later, so there was no laundry mat.  but she went to her MRI, and we did lunch, and we hit a store or two along the way.  i took her son to take clothing to the little girl's mother who was recently in their care.  we had Japanese in a place i promised i'd take her back when i was still doing the internet cafes with her.  on the way back, i had her get enough to do a couple loads of clothes, she bought the stuff we needed for the fajitas, and we came back to my parent's house.

Rachel made salad, i did the fajitas and everyone ate, including my father, though he after everyone else.  Rachel and i hung out, enjoyed each other and talked, which was nice.  eventually i took her home with a load still in the dryer, as i had a first aid/CPR training thing today and it was already late.  she was planning to come back and get it today.

so, that didn't happen.  her daughter decided, though leaving town, that her mother could not use her car.  i actually think i understand this far more than i want to, and i'm fairly sure Rachel does as well, but it sucks.  so she went to clean her grandmother's kitchen, and i went to my training, which was pretty useless, as i still don't really feel competent to save anyone choking or whose heart may have stopped.

everything else was off center as well.  since Rachel wasn't coming to get her clothes, i put them in my trunk and told her i'd bring them when she was done with her grandmother's house.  i told her i'd take her to the walmart open interviews, but she declined, due to her mother's advising against it.  i got a delivery order straight with my doctor's office, i went to lunch and to Mill Creek with Lonnie, took some photos.  i took Rachel her clothes and talked with her for a bit, and then i came back to my parent's house.

it's been pretty thick here today, the atmosphere, that is.  my mother is brooding, and my dad is like whistling in a dark alley mode.  i am not comfortable in the midst of it.  i'm sure most of it is their leaving on wednesday.  i am looking forward to it, i must admit.  peace, some quiet, some me time uninterrupted.  that sounds a lot like the reset and respite i desperately need.  but for now, i'm in the attic, and though the air is thick and fetid, i understand it well enough up here.  perhaps i'll descend to eat in a bit, but a nap is surely going to happen.  thank you, Father.