that bit of fluff out of the way, this baby bee was in the unit i was working on yesterday, resting on a clipboard. i took a picture close up, as i am still looking for inspiration to get back to doing what i do. it didn't work, but what a cool photo of a baby bee on some of my paperwork.
so, yesterday, i talked to my mother for a bit. i did pray, did read scripture, but the time has come to start incorporating more, with deliberation, i'm fairly certain. not today though. speaking on yesterday at the moment. i got up, came down the stairs, took a shower. i did one cup of coffee in the morning and made my mom a fresh pot. my dad had departed by the time i actually got in the shower, and i talked to my mother about my feelings of not having a space to create in here. i didn't want her thinking i was planning to bail, but i wanted her aware of what i've been experiencing, because otherwise her worrying is vague and nebulous, and that's not a good thing to do to anyone. we talked about my dad and his territorial ways, and i know she's gone through enough with that over the years that i am not qualified to even complain. but i know as well that this turf war between them is symbolic of the parental status in regard to we children. and that's the sad part, because there are no CHILDREN any longer; there are adults who live with the consequences of their own actions, and the head of the family who, collectively, are fractured and in need of better focus. it wasn't a happy conversation, but it wasn't depressing either. it was just stating things that are known but not necessarily said.
i then went to work, having packed my lunch and remembered my coffee. i am beginning to see where my opposition is going to come from, in regard to the residents. a certain one seems to be still trying to 'count coup' on me. (...from WIKIPEDIA: Counting coup refers to the winning of prestige against an enemy by the Plains Indians of North America. Warriors won prestige by acts of bravery in the face of the enemy, which could be recorded in various ways and retold as stories. Any blow struck against the enemy counted as a coup, but the most prestigious acts included touching an enemy warrior with the hand, bow, or coup stick and escaping unharmed.Touching the first enemy to die in battle or touching the enemy's defensive works also counted as coup)
the resident in question has made statements about how he was apparently able to influence my course of actions by what he's said, as well as that i didn't or don't resonate to him as a staff member. i've been aware of his preening before his audience and have largely let it go, but yesterday he decided to leave a lighter, which is contraband, on his bed while i was doing my rounds. he'd left the room, had been smoking (but you have to catch them in the act of smoking in order to write them up for it) and was showing that he had no fear of reprisal from me. so i wrote him up for the lighter. when he was served with it, his indignation was amusing, but i gave no ground. i have no time to deal with a contemptuous boy/man. later he chose to attempt to insult me, to some laughter from his peers, but again, i wasn't going to be moved by that. i promised one resident that i'd bring something for them today, long before this incident took place, and i will. i am a man of my word. but due to this new reality, i will have to let them know that this is the end of my overt kindness until they decide they can afford to show me the proper respect.
this morning, i've made breakfast for my mother and myself, i've had a cup of coffee and i've seasoned and dry rubbed the meat that i've taken from the freezer yesterday. i'm going to grill tomorrow, but it's going to be a long day, as i have a CA meeting and a training session at work, both tomorrow and thursday. but, i want to grill, i want some food and some meditation time. i couldn't catch Rachel yesterday, and i'm not going to try today. if i hear from her, that's cool, and if not, i'll wait til i do. Syd was hanging with Porsha, her big sister, yesterday, which is a good enough thing. i'm now about to start moving toward getting ready for the night, but that also includes a bit more rest, so thank you, Jehovah, for all the blessings, and i'll get on with this tomorrow.
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