the sadness continues, but its not the worst i've ever felt. it's strange when such a realization becomes a philosophical point of whether that's a bad thing or a good thing.
i've not heard from Rachel, and that's not surprising. i saw her mom at the store today, and that also isn't surprising. i wanted to ask her mother about her trip, and in fact did, but the pleasantry was the extent of the exchange. likely that was for the best.
today i got up and i said my prayer and i got my shit together and i went to the gym. i decided some days ago that i had to get my shit moving again, and this being a monday i ran out of excuses to not go. i just did some weight work today, i'm planning on going tomorrow and i'll see then what comes next. but the fact is, i went today. i got up when the alarm went off, i got my ass into my gym clothes and went to the gym.
currently, i'm cooking some greens. collards and turnips. i've done a meat loaf that has to be properly dressed and i'm going to take some smashed potatoes as well. i love to cook, it is very meditative. thinking about the parameters of a wedding soup for the rest of the greens.
work is as chaotic as always, but payday is coming.
i hurt, but i'm moving. i guess that's about the size of the story, when you get right down to it.
thank you, Jehovah, for life.
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