so, a day of eventful nothing. that has to be the title of something. if i only felt like doing some major writing lately, but that's not happening right now.
so, i got up and said my prayer, but i was feeling sort of out of it today. i got some things done, which was good. got my mom's shower cleaned, the black stuff from under her bath mat, got the trash gathered and taken out. i also worked on composing a song, most of one anyway. still working on parts of it. i was in the midst of a major chill, with plans to get my oil changed (long overdue) and perhaps wash my car (ditto) when Lonnie called and asked if i wanted to roll out with him. i said sure, as i wasn't doing much of anything else. we went to his parent's old house so he could get a suit for his father, then to his house to get a suitcase, and then to his father's assisted living facility. his dad is going to a family reunion tomorrow and he was getting things ready for his dad's trip. we went to lunch then, and he brought me back here. that killed the majority of my day, but it was a nice diversion. working on the song has brought me to a place of emptiness. a piece of a line came into my head, realizing all the calls that were coming in, being ignored as they were collection calls that i've still to deal with, none of them are Rachel, and each one brightens my hope like a fresh lit candle and then blows it out the same way. kinda sucks, but there you go. it's called Everytime (the phone rings), and its sure to be a hit, somewhere in some reality.
so, i came home, watched some tv, worked more on the song, ate some dinner and now i'm in my bed. i am pondering the nature of the emotional weather we all go through at times, such as 'when it rains, it pours'. my sister sent me a text today, ready at last to abandon my grandfather's house. she is going to be moving on the 1st, she says. doesn't matter much to me one way or the other, but i have to pray, and meditate and make a good choice. i still feel that i have been directed to be here, to help my parents as much as i can. i honestly even feel that the job is a detriment to that purpose. and i felt after i processed the information, that Lori, my sister, was better off there than she would have been here. thing is, ii would still like my own space. thing also is, however, without Rachel it means a lot less to me. without her, it means that i'm going to truly be my grandfather, alone in a large house, waiting to die. dramatic, i know. but it's how it feels right now. much as i don't like being here, i love being an asset to my parents, and i really appreciate how much having some solidity under my feet is helping me to recover from last week. but i know i will pray before i talk to my parents, because Jehovah first in all things,
we'll just see how far down the rabbit hole this really goes. meanwhile, thank you, Father, for the blessings of the day, and good night.
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