the biggest takeaway from this entry is the fact that i'm still hurting. i am still not doing well at all. something is really wrong with my right leg, something that i'll likely have to go to the e.r. tomorrow to get checked out. i won't go today; i will go to work today. and i may go after i leave work tomorrow, just so i can get it out of the way without cutting into my healing time, which i so desperately need.
truth is, though, i'm afraid i'm at my end at this position.
i did work yesterday. and, as i had stated before, i got a good two hours out of it. by 'good', i mean functioning with the pain without a great, visible show of pain. the only good thing in that is now everyone is aware of the level of discomfort i've been laboring under. and don't get me wrong, this isn't me trying to barter for sympathy. every single person past a certain point in their life has some lingering ache, some day to day throbbing that they either deal well with or poorly. i'm no exception. i've abused my flesh as much as i could, often happily so, and you know one thing if nothing else, even if you choose to delay accepting it for as long as you can: if you dance to the tune, you'll eventually have to pay the piper.
this feels like a bursitis of some sort. like a bubble that needs to burst in my calf. but when it does, then what? or is it a ligament tear or sprain? when i come down the stairs now, i do a 'one-step'. put my left foot on the lower stair, then place my right foot next to it. putting my right foot on the next step down places my body weight completely on that leg and flares up agony all the way to my neck, it seems. so, there you go.
after 2 hours, it was a descent into misery. and again, by the end of the night, though nowhere near as bad as Saturday night was, i was in a miasma of hurt. sleep was miserable, my back was singing chain gang songs all night. hurts this morning, to be honest. and i am up and waiting because i promised TP i would take her to her dental appointment because she's going to be drugged and unable to drive herself home. so i'm losing rest time to be able to function tonight.
truth is, though, that's one of the things i have to consider. should i have to avoid any activities just to have enough energy to work? should i have to lay in my bed for 2/3rds of a day just to be able to work the final 3rd? i think that is really all the truth i need to confront. but i am in prayer, and i'm trying to honor my obligations. i don't want to denigrate my character. but i don't want to be in a wheelchair either.
so, another day begins. rainy and overcast. pain and pondering. and perhaps one last day of training, to get back 3 or four of the 8 hours i lost on Sunday. it's not good. but it is my current life, and some people do not have a 'current' life. so i'm grateful to Jehovah for that.
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