partial decisions

...almost 12.  i made a partial decision today, and i'm okay with it.  but it is just the harbinger of what comes next, i'm afraid.

first, a list of the meds i took which i had to in order simply to walk today...simply to walk, mind you.  i took my usual blood pressure meds and my insulin, so no listing there.  but i took the first of 20 Prednisone, a steroidal anti-inflammatory, i took two Colcrys, my gout medication, i took four 500mg Tylenol in one sitting.  in the early evening, i had run the gamut of Tylenol, as my doctor limited me to 2000mg a day.  so i took a Gabapentin, one of my aunt's which is a higher dosage than my mom's, also anti-inflammatory, as well as some other lovely little things.

i also called off today.  well, mostly.  i called in, got someone in another unit who transferred me to the Ops Supervisor's voicemail.  i left a message for him to call me, which never happened, and then i called again after a short period, got the RS on duty at my building, who gave me the OS's phone number.  i called, got no answer and left another message for him on his cell phone.

under any circumstances, i was not going to go today.  i gauged my endurance at right around two hours, starting at a very low threshold (where i was already) and descending quickly into unbearable agony.  this just won't do.  not the pain, not the amount of drugs i'm putting into me to combat it, and not this uncertainty about what i should do.  it's just not going to work for me.

tomorrow, i'll go early, ask to speak to the Ops Supervisor, and by that point i'll have made my decision.  so, we're going to put this all into my Father's hands, and be grateful, for information that will lead to better choices, and to allowing me to rest long enough to begin to move past the pain.  thank you, Jehovah.