slow...

i have had a day of lethargic proportions, literally.  something has changed, and i have to get a grasp on it, and soon.
start with getting up.  i had no intention on going to the gym today.  i started the day well enough, a prayer, reading at least my daily scripture that pops up on my phone.  i got up and went to get things started, but decided that wasn't really the way to start the day.  so i went downstairs, got some water, reset the wifi router and went back to the attic to sleep.  i woke again at about 8 and officially got it shaking.
i heated water for my aunt, heated my mother's coffee and started planning out breakfast.  i decided on omelets, and got my stuff together for that preparation.  my mom was first out, she was very disoriented and i told her she might want to consider a sleep study and a c-pap, as she is likely not getting enough air when she sleeps and that may be contributing to her disorientation.  she didn't really consider it, but i did tell her to think about it.  i got my dad's breakfast done first as he said he'd be down to eat it later, with his stomach bothering him when he woke.  i got my mom's next and then mine and got my mom seated to eat.  she continued to question everything i was doing and i guess perhaps the thing from yesterday was making me more irritable than usual, because i went into the living room with my food and ate.  i tried a reset, asking if she'd take the rest of the chicken i'd got and make chicken salad.  she makes a wonderful chicken salad, as a sandwich prep, and she said she would.  i wanted her to do something that she is good at and that she enjoys, i guess.  she was having a hard time so i ran some things through the chopper for her before i left to tend to my own well being.
i went to rite aid and then to walgreen because the first had none of my new med and the second only had a tiny bit.  i called my cardiologist and left a message to schedule for a follow up from the ER.  i got my gout med from rite aid, went to get coffee from mcdonalds and talked to Rachel.  i apologized for my mood the last several days, and she asked if i could give her a ride to counseling.  i told her i'd be there about quarter to noon and went back to my parent's house.  i took the rest of my meds (took my insulin before dinner), had coffee, drank water and got my shit gathered and left.  i stopped on the south side at a McD's for Rachel's coffee, picked her up and took her to counseling.  when she was done, i took her to get some lunch, we went thrifting at Goodwill and we went to my  parent's house.
my mom doesn't really have an off button.  i know this is true.  but i thought perhaps, with Rachel being there for her to engage in, she wouldn't do the emotional fishing thing that she does all the time.  Wrong.  and my irritability was getting worse.  i was winded, i was tired and i felt like she was grating against my nerve.  so i let them hang out in my mother's bedroom and i sat on the couch in the living room, watching television, thinking and relaxing.  i took Rachel home about 6, came back home, had some leftover beef stew, didn't say much to my mom and now am about to go to sleep.
i don't know what the irritability is.  it is not new.  it is as old as our family dynamic.  but being here, living here, i'm immersed in it.  i could get away by staying away, but that's a poor resolution.  we're too close to the end of our roads for that.  so i have to work on patience.  i have to continue to try to get her to see what i'm talking about, how it affects me, and give her time to respond.  or not, however she is able.  i can't plan the results.  but i am currently isolating away from them, and that's not going to resurface as a habit again.  i am grateful to God for this day.