yeah, so i did okay today. i am just going to run events, as there are still very few. i'm sure something is wrong, as my motivation isn't exactly 'gone', but i feel compromised. maybe i can write my way to it.
okay, so i got up before my alarm, i said my prayers, the pain was a bit more recedent, but i was still hobbling earlier. i had no real plans, other than to work on something that was fucked up yesterday. more on that in a minute.
i came downstairs, put on water for my coffee and got the pot ready for my mother's coffee. i got one of my French presses from the apartment yesterday and an assortment of coffee (i'm such a junkie) so i can stop giving McDonald's a dollar a day to inadequately feed my habit. i had coffee, water, sugar was up just a hair but the gout may have been the stressor in that. i had gotten into my shorts and tee-shirt, and i woke to a white world of snow. for a moment, i considered not going to the gym, but that voice had no authority and i got it shaking and moved out fairly quickly, after my readings.
the gym wasn't crowded, and i did the treadmill today. i didn't push myself, didn't try to set any records, but i got into a good groove and stayed in it. did a half hour, just a little over a mile. then i came back to my parent's house. (part of the title is i have to remember this is my parent's house. i don't know how long i'm going to nest here, but i don't want to think of it as 'home'. i hope that comes across clear).
i heated up another cup of coffee, got more water, took insulin and pills and made myself oatmeal and 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast. the rest of the day was just minor detail stuff. i napped briefly. i talked to Rachel for a bit. i talked to Lonnie. i put on chili early in the day in my mother's crock pot and we're having that for dinner as i type. i am going to have to call VF (maybe, wink!) to let her know i won't be in counseling Friday, as i have to take my dad to Detroit on Friday, probably be coming back on Saturday. a relative i don't know died and he wants to go to the funeral.
i took a bird bath, didn't feel like showering, but i did shave my face and head, i had leftover salmon and cabbage and mac n cheese for lunch. i rested. i feel better, far as the gout flare. tomorrow is an off day for the gym. i have no complaints and despite my unwillingness to start thinking this as 'home', i am grateful to Jehovah, as i could be in my car parked in a driveway, pissing in the snow, running out gas trying to stay warm. i have been provided for. and it's time to get to work.
now, the bullshit from yesterday.
TF called me yesterday afternoon after messaging me on FB. she asked if i could help her rent out a car. i reluctantly agreed. i thought about not doing it, but despite her absence from the recovery program and her fade from my conscious life, she has been a friend and even recently bought food for Syd and i. thing is, it's a bad deal.
the rental is in my name, using my bank card. there was no way i was going to use a credit card of any kind, as i'm working now to straighten that shit out. likely, there won't be any great issue. she'll pay for it when we take the car back on thursday, and the money that is pending as a transaction on my card will be removed.
thing is, i'm not one hundred percent positive about the last part.
normally, what i would have done is told her to get the money out, i'd put it in my account, and then give her back the deposit after the rental was paid for on return. i was hurting yesterday, felt a bit put upon, and wasn't thinking right. plus, they closed at 6. so, i am waiting. and if that pending transaction falls before the car is returned, it's going to fuck up my account. and she's going to have to fix it. it makes me want to stop helping people. but again, i realize much has been given me, so i try to stay grateful and stay in the process of paying forward. i guess we'll have to see.
i'm feeling poetry stirring in me lately. that makes me happy too.
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