i didn't write yesterday because i slept, a massive sleep. i put myself in bed and stayed there except to eat and shit. that is the real. and i don't regret it one bit.
so i got up yesterday, i did my prayer and read my stuff and got dressed and got coffee on for mom and for me and i made it to the gym and did the treadmill. i came back to the house and i made myself some breakfast, and then i went to take a bit of a nap. now, i can't remember all the sequences of how things happened. i know that i fixed my dad's phone at least once. i know that i went to Taco Bell for my mom and myself for lunch. i know that i came downstairs about seven something in the pm and i made myself some form of stir fry as i didn't want leftovers. that is what i remember. and then, i remember i was on the couch, just nodding in and out, or 'shallownapping', as i like to call it now, because i knew if i went to the attic it was a wrap. i know after a point, with dad in and out as if he was not supposed to be getting help getting places or working on a schedule so we could accommodate him, with my mother sleeping most of her day away, i decided i was going to just give in. i went to the attic and i put it down in the afternoon. i woke up and decided to eat, though i had told Rachel i was just going to stay in bed. and i ate, and i went back up the stairs and i went back to sleep. and i got up this morning later than usual and i got my prayer done and reluctantly read my books and scripture and i came downstairs and my mom's coffee was heating and my aunt had had her tea and i made a french press of my regular coffee and made breakfast for everyone, which my dad has yet to eat. like, right now, at 10pm, just getting in, and bypassing the breakfast plate again. and i made breakfast for them, and myself, and i wrote some in King Percival's outline, and i talked to Rachel, who was still sounding rough, and i made arrangements to hang out with her today, assuring her it was not going to be a 'drop you in my mom's room and go to sleep' visit. i went to the basement, messed around a bit, got myself dressed, came down to watch some television, got a message and call from Rachel that she was ready to roll, and i went to get her. almost ran out of gas on the freeway, because i should have filled up before i left. i got gas, got to her house, was corrected for not coming to get the heavy crate of pop and flavored water she had brought for me, and we talked on our way to my parent's house. i had told her i was going to grill, so i stopped and got some brats and some potatoes, though i didn't use the potatoes. i made brauts and cabbage and a linguine salad. Rachel brought ribs so she could use my grill to cook them. it was a nice visit, though she was still sad because of something that i won't include here. we drank coffee and listened to some music and we worked on the cabbage and the pasta salad together. we kept each other company while we grilled. we spent some time around my family, and we spent time together. and in the end, she enjoyed her visit, which made me happy. my ethernet cable came in, and that makes me happy too. She talked about some jealousy due to me starting this position and her not being able to, and i told her i was sad that we weren't starting together, but that i was doing this for us as well as for Syd and for myself. i took her home after her ribs were done, and i came back to my parent's house. my mom is still seeming disoriented and distracted, but she ate and she seemed to feel okay today, with Deedy coming to clean and whatnot. i don't know what the future will bring. but i do know that i have had a lot of days that looked like futures that weren't going to come when i tried looking ahead, and they came, and today is another one just like that. so i don't need to know what tomorrow is going to bring. i just need to know that i'm doing the best i can today. and i can look back, like that picture up there, and know that this woman, as hard as it is for her, loves me as hard as she can. and that's good enough. thank you, Father, for your blessings today.
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