i got up this morning, sleeping pretty good last night, but i still didn't feel my 'go' as far as making it to the gym. not making any excuses, i just didn't feel it and didn't move toward it. i said my prayer, i read scriptures, i went downstairs. i got coffee heated for my mom, pressed my own coffee and got to work on the outline for my next book. my dad tends to wander earlier these days, so i waited until he came down to the first floor and back upstairs before i got my breakfast. i ate and went upstairs and got myself dressed. i knew my dad was going to tell me about his 1pm meeting, but he knows i have a 12 noon meeting, and he's not making other plans. he is determined he is going to have his way, and i'm not going to stop him, because he WILL stop. one way or another. already gave him the reality breakdown; if he chooses to disregard it because it's not in his 'want' box, then he's just like the rest of us and the consequences will belong to him. nonetheless...
i got my mom an omelet together and took off for the meeting. i'd intended to go to Wal-Mart to see about the splitter and cable i need for my computer in the basement but i just went on my way to the fellowship hall. i got there and the new secretary, Robert, was already there with his daughter. someone else was waiting in the parking lot, but i knew he wasn't staying for the meeting. got in, put the new lock on the locker, got the stuff out and got set up. the meeting was good; about 12 people, doing tradition 2.
for our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority; a loving God as he may express himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.
always a favorite of mine. after the meeting, i went to see Rachel and we talked for a bit. i went to the store after that, got stuff to make burgers and salad, and came home. i prepped the salad while my mom talked to my brother's daughter. i'm still apprehensive about her; she caused my mom a lot of trouble when she decided to move from this house. not going into that. but it was good to see her anyway, she and her eldest son. i took my dad to Giant Eagle to pick up prescriptions, came home, grilled the burgers, ate and went to the post office for my dad. i came back, went to the basement, wanted to work on some cleaning but am pretty worn out. now i'm drinking a cup of tea that is getting better as i get closer to the bottom, and i'm going to work on some of my outline and go to bed.
with the Rachel thing. i know that i don't need to have anyone believe in me in order to do what i need to do. i only need to believe in myself and know that God is blessing my efforts. i don't feel as if i am simply trusting in the random spin of a wheel and crossing my fingers. i am here now because my parents need one of their children here to help them. they need me more than Syd does, at the moment. when the house is ready, i will move into it. when the job starts, i will be ready. and, i imagine, i could simply push my parents aside, focus solely on learning my sales stuff, churning the wheels to get more product out and aim for the far wall. but what kind of person would that make me? someone that i would admire if i knew that was how they got where they were trying to go? doubtful. i am blessed with a heart that works emotionally, though not always physically. i'm blessed with compassion and forgiveness, though sometimes they come slow. i'm blessed with love, and that is the hardest thing sometimes, but it is always better to have love than not have love. mostly, i'm blessed with breath and a road. and all i need to do is, if i wake up tomorrow, follow the road Jehovah puts my feet on. i am grateful. i am done for the night.
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