today was a bit of a wash. stress with no clear cause, and blues with no discernible resolution. but i started working on the basement, and i am glad about that.
i did get up and pray and read, but i didn't go to the gym. i woke still drifting through the residuals of yesterday's tension, but at least my dreams weren't of a castrative nature. i did dream, but i can't remember them, and that is a relief in itself. i got up and went downstairs and waited for my dad. as i got moving late, i had no choice but to wait, as his morning rituals are about 80 times longer than mine.
we eventually got started, a bit after ten, and his actual meet time wasn't until ten-thirty. we talked more about his being driven around, and his point being that he would have to do things for himself sometimes. i can only imagine. i can't assure him, because i don't have his experience to draw from. but i try to tell him that we are thinking about him, and that if he will just accommodate us with accurate schedule information, we could likely help him a great deal more. or, he will insist on driving himself, something truly bad will happen, and then he'll be forced to surrender more than he can voluntarily surrender now. i know he didn't like it, and he made it clear through his trying to direct my driving and his telling me that i was going to lose the person that was following us. i decided not to come up to his appointment, choosing to go to McD's instead as i had not eaten breakfast. horrible food. glad i went; reminds me not to poison myself.
after the radio station i took him to two banks and then we came home. i came upstairs and changed into shorts and a tee shirt, and then went downstairs with my chromebook to start work on the basement.
it is a horrendous task. there are tossed off memories, boxes full of them, emotional debris and junk, all strewn haphazardly through what was once a communal space. we get older, kids grow up, people burrow deeper into their conditional surrenders, and the evidence is collected chaos. but i started by moving things that belonged together, putting his Ebony Group stuff in once of the back closets, getting rid of obvious trash. that made room for me to put a table and a desk chair where i need them. over the next two days, i'll continue the process.
my mom is listening to the Memorial on the phone. don't know what my dad is doing. talked to Rachel for a bit, and talked to Lonnie a couple times. i'm ready to shut it down for the night, i think. thank you, Jehovah, for productive work and a clearing away of thoughts and things.
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