its been a day. its been a 48 hours. and it's okay for now, but barely. but God's will be done, above all else. remembering that is sanity, serenity and sobriety. interchangeable only with each other, not for barter for anything else.sometimes, summing up is hard. but the details of Sunday to today are so bizarre, i don't want to miss the nuances and the small details, though i know i will anyway.
the situation was defused last night. i don't want my dad feeling bad about this thing with my grandparent's house. he has enough he's dealing with. and i have work to do. so when i got up this morning, i said a prayer for the things that i know i need, things to get me moving in the direction my feet are pointing in right now. mostly for discernment and patience, but also for family members, for the people who don't even have the shelter i have right now, let alone a home of their own. and i got up and got dressed for the gym.
i reset my mom's coffee maker timer and got it ready to brew at 6am. got myself some water, and i got my ass to the gym. i decided on weights today. just wasn't feeling the treadmill. very few people there, but that was okay. i pushed myself a bit, wanted to feel the workout, and then i came home. home is here, my parent's house. i'd learned yesterday that Syd and Joe aren't doing well together. that is likely going to create another set of complications for me, but suffient to this day are it's own evils.
i got myself a cup of coffee. my sugar was good and i took insulin and my meds. i went upstairs, got myself an omelet and a half bagel. i didn't cook for my dad because he doesn't always eat. i didn't cook for my mom because she was sleep. eventually i came upstairs and laid around, thinking. too much thinking, lately.
eventually i got up. went to the basement. unhooked my hard drive and brought it to the living room. hooked it into the cabling in the living room, to the modem. began doing the final steps of my 'Onboarding' (amazon word). the system check was long, long long. but my computer is now ready for Amazon training and work. and i have to call Spectrum tomorrow. i'm planning on the gym tomorrow. got to call about this ticket tomorrow. got things to do. running out of cash. but it don't matter. finish my prep stuff, work starts on April 30th.
my mood is leveled. my attitude is gone. i have peace in my heart. my sister is what she is. she is also God's daughter. therefore, His will be done in her life as well, i pray.
my brother did that picture for me, OF me, a long time ago. it is still one of the best things i have. thank you, Father, for putting it back before my eyes.
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