slow motion and fast forward

even in the slow pace that i'm now moving, i try to keep creating, keep moving on the thoughts and inspirations i have along the way.  it's not always easy.  Rachel was saying about how i do seem to go to bed much earlier now.  she figures it's due to the recent heart thing.  i feel it's more because there's so much less to do here at my parent's house.  at the apartment, i would have been working on two more books by this point.  but it's not such a bad thing either.  if you don't know when to slow down, life has a way of slowing you right the fuck down when it's time.  and i'm not ready to slow down quite that much yet.

i got up okay, but i didn't do the gym.  i got my prayer in, but didn't read.  i was sort of good in the morning, trying to put my hands onto the percussion of the morning, the rhythm, if you will.  so i got clothes gathered, got my shower stuff and made my way downstairs.  i put on water, got my mom's coffee going, got my aunt's tea water heating and i took a shower.  didn't shave, but i didn't really want to today.  when i was done, i had my coffee and water and got into my meds.  sugar was up a bit, i took insulin and my meds.  i had pizza for breakfast.  i was going to TP's to check her computer and visit.  couldn't do anything with it, as it seems the voltage regulator was fried from some of the power outages of last month.
i came back to the house and got my mom and aunt a sandwich from Arby's and ate the salad that my mother got for me yesterday.  i had a 130 scheduled to go over the hiring stuff from the Amazon WAH position i'd applied for, and that took me right into that zone.  i logged in, got on my headphones, got the information for the position.  though it's seasonal work it's full time hours.  i can set my own training time, set my own work schedule as well, depending on the availability of work.  i took notes and thought about asking some questions but decided i would learn what i needed to know when i started training.  Rachel had also did the application, and i checked on her to make sure she was up for doing her session.

i helped my mom get her plate together this evening, and made myself a pepper steak sandwich and had some steamed broccoli.  i was messing around on the computer when i heard a thump from the driveway as my father was pulling in.  i'd been looking at a red groove that had been dug into the side of my mom's car, and though i figured what it was, i was waiting to see what would be done about it.  what was done was, it was deepened by another hit from my father's car as he pulled into the driveway.  i went out to check.  my mother's car has a dent in the right rear quarter-panel, a line from the passenger door down the same panel.  my dad's passenger mirror is almost off, and the mirror itself is broken completely out.  my dad knows it is time for him to stop driving.  the problem is, there has to be some organization to facilitate his getting done the things that he does in the course of a day.  i cannot, and refuse to entertain the possibility of, run all the runs that he does.  most of them are purely aesthetic, though they mean something to him.  that's the point of living life and getting into a routine.  you do the things that are important to you.  time takes away the ability to do those things, but not the importance that you place on them.  so you keep going until it gets bad.  i guess that's the deal.  but i'm going to talk to my brother tomorrow, going to talk to my sister as well, and we're going to have to come up with something, some way to cover my dad during the day so he won't be doing the running he's doing.

i am grateful that i'm here.  i'm thankful to God for awareness.  i don't have a problem with the responsibility that comes with it.  but i wish i had the strength and energy to cover it all.  and i don't.  But Jehovah has given me all the strength i need to do his will.