I didn't try to stay up to see the new year come in. i think i lost the thrill of that a lot of years ago. it used to seem like a big deal, and then i got sober and it seemed that to be in the company of addicts and alcoholics, just dancing and fellowshipping and surviving into another year was a beautiful thing. and then those activities stopped, and there was the time of hanging at a club or bar when in Columbus and just not drinking, being surrounded by drunks, but it was just a bullshitting of self, pretending that i was 'normal', when i am anything but. now, i realize the day ends and the day begins, and at midnight tonight, a year ends for someone, and a year begins for someone. a child is being born at this moment, and it is his or her happy new year. a woman or man are breathing their last breath right now, and it is the end of their last year. everyone knows someone who is giving birth, and everyone knows someone in the process of dying. and in all these cases, the important thing is to make the most of the day, make the most of the moment, do the best job you can and love the best with all the heart you have. there is no promissory note that pays off with a guaranteed day on the calendar. so you have to do it today. you don't really have to. but i do. i intend to end this life without the regret of one more wasted day.
i got up today right around 4. i said my prayers, did my stretches and crunches, i read my scripture and meditation books. i took a good reading. took my meds and insulin and i had breakfast. i did my Watchtower lesson and i watched some Twilight Zone. i wrote the poem for Marc and signed his book and put them both into my bag for delivery. i got my dad's navy beans packed up and ready to transport when i picked up my mother for the Hall and discovered my crock pot has a fracture running all through the ceramic bowl, broke my heart but i will live. i went to the store and got the take and heat pizzas for the meeting and some stuff for home. i went to the Hall with my mother. i went to my CA meeting. i talked to Lonnie and DeJa briefly. i had Taco Bell for lunch and i had dinner later. i talked to Rachel. i washed my dishes. i'd finished my cleaning early in the morning. i feel good. i know i've done more carbs than i should have, and i have to get disciplined on them again, but i am not going to lose my mind on this shit anymore. i don't know if i'm losing weight but i know i'm doing better with my diabetes. i am in faith for one of these jobs calling me. i am in faith for things working out financially. reminds me of a plaque that was on the wall of the coffee room at the Columbus AA intergroup office; "Wishing and hoping won't improve my fate; the Lord provides the fishes but I gotta dig the bait." I personally subscribe to that truth.
i'm going to the gym tomorrow. i'm going to wash a load of clothes, i'm going to visit Heather, i'm going to work on Waiting for Jesus. i'm going to start moving forward, because there is nothing behind me that is worth standing still for anymore.
Thank you for all the blessings today, Jehovah.
No comments:
Post a Comment