today was the first Sunday of family dinner. it may be the last. it may be the first in a succession. can't say for sure, it's not my call. but today was the first one.
i got up this morning after fitful sleep, full of leg cramps. i've decided i'm going to purchase some over the counter potassium pills, as i believe that may be part of the reason. but i did sleep, and i got up to finish my turkey, and i said my prayer and i stretched and did crunches. i got coffee made and i had a cup and some water. i did my readings. i uncovered my turkey and basted it and put it in the oven to brown. i had decided i wasn't going to the Hall, that i was going to work on some of this backlog that i am accumulating, and i did that. i did more editing on Felecia's book. i still haven't gotten to checking out Mr. O'Bryan's work, but i will. i did at least correspond with him.
i talked to my mother, who was still unable to get into her account and thought i was mad at her because i told her she could have just waited for me to come over, or asked me to come and help her. i'm never going to get it through to her that i don't mind helping her, but that's her worry, not mine. i finished the turkey and got things gathered together. i sent Syd a text outlining what i needed done and i laid down because, due to my broken sleep, i was still exhausted. i did get up, get dressed for the meeting. Syd and Joe came to get the stuff just before i left.
the meeting was okay. it's hard for me to do, sometimes. the truth will be brought to you, and you have to adjust to having it uncomfortably inside you, like a stone in your shoe on a hike you can't stop taking. i have been informed that one of our membership is into pills now, a switch from alcohol. i received this from his soon-to-be ex-wife, and i consider her a dear acquaintance so i trust that she's not just denigrating him for no reason. thing is, it does no good for me to talk to him, even if i didn't give her my word that i'd say nothing. it would do no good because, pills or not, i've spoken to this individual a number of times about concerns and observations i've had about his bearings, his spiritual wounds if you will. and it's been for naught. and it's been something that i'm completely alone in addressing. people don't care about total abstinence any longer. they care about being around people, having the visage of respectability and sobriety while clinging to the little helpers that keep the pain from having to be dealt with. i don't know how many people he's fucking up with his ranblings. but it gives a good parameter on why he seems so disjointed and so out of sync with the world he walks through these days.
digression.
i left the meeting, called my mom and asked her to turn the oven on to 'warm' and i made my way there. i got things together as she was bringing some order to their kitchen. my brother showed up on time, but my sister did not. i called my dad down to say a prayer and then let them start eating. i did, after all, say between 230 and 3pm.
i fixed my mother's plate and then a plate for myself. my brother and my dad watched the game while i spoke with my mother. my sister called while we were fixing plates, and my mother called her back to find she was waiting on her husband to return home so she could get to the house. i ate and was sleepy as hell. i told my mother i'd wait for my sister to arrive so she didn't think i just left before she came, but that i couldn't stay for long afterward. i'm certain the warm/cold/warm weather changes are fucking with me. i was waiting anyway, as she had spoken to me and told me that my brother two years under me was at the emergency room in PA, having been considering suicide once again. i told her not to say anything to my parents, to just come by and eat. i just called her as i said i would but got no answer. as my brother is not willing to talk of the exact troubles that have him so willing to surrender his life (and as these attempts continue to be broadcast, leading me toward a sad conclusion that perhaps he is simply groping for attention),i have no way to help him. i have no way to offer him help. but i will pray for him, and i will ask Jehovah's spirit to be with him.
coming home, i did some tidying and i called Rachel back. we spoke for a couple hours, she had a better day than her yesterday was, which made me happy. i spoke to Lonnie a bit later. i've not been to sleep yet and i'm still very tired, but i need to stay on track with doing the foundation things. two termites can eventually destroy an entire city. it was a good day. maybe my brother and sister, my mom and dad, will elect to do this family dinner thing more often. perhaps not. but it was successful enough today, and that's enough of a win for my family. bad days will come, so good days should be savored. thank you, Father, for your kindness.
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