time to fight (making soup)

there are times when it seems like down is the direction i am heading and there is no other choice for me.  there are times where it just feels like heaviness is synergetically increasing, that gravity is pulling me through the crust of the earth, down into the subcutaneous levels and that i will become a resident of my own grave far before my time.  there are times when i am poetic in my self-fucking pity.

all these are accurate at this moment.  it's time for all of them to meet some resistance, at least.

i didn't do a fucking thing yesterday, and i haven't done much today.  i cancelled my time with Rachel because my money is very short, and though we don't do extravagant things (yet), i don't like not being able to at least cook something good for her.  i have been to the store today, but i kept it simple with ingredients for a chicken/pork stir-fry.  packs of meat were both under $2, and nothing i spent came to more than $13 total.  lunch today was $2 from taco bell.  refilled my candy bowl.  I went to see AG and her new fiance, but no one answered the door or my call.  a waste of time and gas.

i have been playing a 9-ball game app on FB.  i have been vegging on the Twilight Zone.  i have been speculating about things i need to get my spot for Mechanical Jesus done.  finally, i've had enough of the smell of my own ass.

it is time to refocus.  so i'm making soup.

(not my soup, but similar)

i did pray this morning.  i did do my readings this morning.  i do have my resources today.  i can work on cleaning my house today.  i have my health today.  i have mobility today.  on a cold winter day, i have a roof and some heat.  i have enough gas to get by the next couple of days.  i have a bit of money in my accounts.  i get more money on Friday.  counseling was good, and i visited my mom and dad yesterday.  i am not doing a bunch of stuff, because i don't at this moment have a bunch of stuff to do.  i will call my brother Rob in PA, see what's what.  i will do what i can to prepare to start filming my spot for MECHANICAL JESUS, because that's how business gets done.  and i will do whatever Jehovah God puts in front of me today, because if He puts it before me, He will also have put the way to tend to it within me.  that is the truth.

the soup will be okay.  the day is a blessing, and i am grateful for it.