brittle

this feeling is persisting, but i'm trudging along.  i can only do this, i can't do anything else.  but it is getting harder, i have to admit.

i got up at my usual time and i did my day in a responsible fashion.  i turned it over with my morning prayer and i did my stretches and crunches, which i don't normally do on a weekend.  i got breakfast, read scriptures (Saul on the Damascan road), took meds and insulin and then Rachel called.  we had planned on Friday for her to call when she was ready to come by, and she was ready early.  so i went to the store to get the stuff i needed for our dinner and i went to pick her up.  we went to Goodwill and then i took her to get herself something to eat, as she hadn't had breakfast.  it was a good visit.  we talked, we watched some television, she napped and we ate chili and cornbread for dinner.  it was supposed to be salmon, as she requested yesterday, but as i made chili (which was to be my weekend nosh) it was available and i didn't mind sharing.

hence, the title.

Rachel is a diabetic, as am i.  she took insulin to cover what she thought would be a heavy carb meal, though chili is not a heavy carb meal.  she woke from a second nap with a very low sugar.  it was scary watching her try to get enough sugar into her body to counteract the insulin.  thing is, people don't realize diabetes can kill you.  too low or too high.  you can go into a diabetic coma, you can go into diabetic shock.  you can ruin your kidneys, your heart suffers.  there are so many system failures that arise from your blood sugar being out of whack.  it was an important thing for me to see and to be a participant in, as i need to know more to do better in the future.  but it was frightening.  i am blessed not to be a brittle diabetic.  you find blessings when you open your eyes and close your judgmental heart.

the worry is on me.  Syd texted me today to tell me the child support card hasn't loaded.  i don't know why.  it may load monday.  it may not load.  CSEA sent a  letter last week requesting the data on when Syd turns 18, her 'emancipation' date.  it had a ten-day reply time limit, but it took them seven days to get it mailed out.  i've returned it, but i don't know if they are going to respond.  seems they wanted to just shut the book with a minimum of work.  but either way, it was coming to an end soon enough.  this is a bad month.  it is getting worse.  i need a job.  NEED.  it's going to be okay, though.  i know Jehovah has a plan in place for me.  i just have to keep walking toward it.  i'm sorry for my doubt, but not sorry for my fear, as i know most of it pertains to not being able to take care of Syd and not wanting to run into the corner of my brain and close the door.  Trust God and help others.  i'm done.