i woke up ready to attack this year, ready to begin an all-out assault on this year i have claimed for my own...only to find that the year was still asleep, evidently from too much NYE partying, and i'd have to wait til tomorrow. oh, well, i feel like myself again anyway.
really, i got up early, three maybe, three fifteen at the latest, and i could not return to sleep. so i laid about for a minute, then i got it started. i said my prayers, i stretched and did crunches, i read my meditations and my scriptures, i checked my sugar (124) and i had coffee and water. i even worked on my Watchtower some, or was that yesterday? anyway, i went to the gym, slightly late as i was caught up in an episode of the Twilight Zone.
i did the treadmill, i greeted now familiar faces, i talked to Rose about her work on the art, and i came home. i took meds. i had breakfast. i cleaned my dishes and had more coffee and water. and i laid down for a bit, as i was planning on assaulting the day. before i went to the gym, i got three shipping labels together for pre-purchases and got books packaged to take to the post office. i put them in my car before i went to the gym so i wouldn't forget them. and the post office was closed. as was the library, which i'd also planned to hit. so i had a huge hole in my day.
i went to my parent's house. i washed a load of clothes and did some minor edits on Waiting for Jesus. i came home, threw clothes in the dryer and i lazed for a bit. i talked to Rachel, and she asked if i could pick her up after my visit to the jail.
i got there in time to see Heather, it was a cool visit. then i went to pick up Rachel. we went to lunch at the Fortune Garden, and we came home. she asked if she could borrow the car to go see her friend and i said she could. it was later in the day, right about now, in fact, when that was to happen. we worked on some vocals, working on being able to harmonize with each other. then we listened to some music, and she asked me if i could do some lyrics for her, gave me the outline of what she was looking for. and that was when i near sabotaged.
we had another discussion about The Girl Behind the Glass. it is not a resolved issue, and i tried to just work acceptance on it, but its not a resolved issue because, regardless of the reason or how i feel about the reason, it hurt her. the story, the way it read to her. i have no right to challenge how she feels, and that is basic recovery 101. i've only really been looking at it from the viewpoint of, 'it's my story, and it's just a story'. i've not looked at it from the standpoint of how it makes her feel and how i need to respond to her feelings rather than react to her mood about it. i don't know if it will ever be resolved, but i know i regret doing anything that hurt her.
i had some dinner, saving most of my leftover hunan beef as an omelet insert for the morning. i shaved my head, obviously. i feel more like myself now. i'm sleepy. i am grateful for the learning, grateful for the ability to change, and i give thanks to my Heavenly Father. that's all i got tonight.
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