i had a good day today, though the most eventful part was cleaning my home.
not to say i didn't enjoy the rest, or that i particularly enjoyed cleaning. but it was a peaceful, smooth-moving day, and there just aren't enough of those. especially considering the madness that is to come after this January 20th, 2017. it reminds me of the atmosphere when the World Trade towers were 'attacked'. the simmering of fear, the panic that was just beneath the surface, waiting for the right thing to bring it boiling out and scalding everyone it touched. i watched that with apprehension. i watch this with curiosity and an eye toward what it will teach me, what i can use.
i got up and turned off my alarm. been awhile since i laid in bed long enough to have to do that. i said my prayer and i got into my stretches and crunches. i got dressed, heated a cup of coffee and got some water. i listened to the track that i'd been playing with for the past three days. it's a funny thing; i love the arrangement at night, and i hate it in the morning. i can't figure what that's about. but i got to the gym, did the treadmill, felt good afterward, came home to see Syd out the door. i made eggs and toast for breakfast, took meds and insulin and i got myself ready for counseling.
it was sort of a sad session. i hate when VF worries about me. at the same time, i know that we have become friends, and that is a good place for my heart to be. the downside of it is, friends worry about you more than counselors do. friends weep for your pain, and they fret for your anxiety. they also celebrate your successes and they are happy with your good tidings. its a balance. and i guess, as i've stopped really cultivating friends, it makes me more aware of how much she has done on my behalf. she tells me, as the mother she is, that i can't do anything about her caring about me, and that's true, and i'm sure i've posited that same argument against her protests to my concerns. that is what a friend is, that is what friends do. and that is the sadness, because friendship is a priceless commodity, always in short supply, but i have learned that some things, you just have to enjoy them while you have them.
anyway, enough melancholy. i came home. i started to cleaning, because i was not feeling any kind of energetic. i got through with the apartment. i went to Uptown Pizza for a little Joe and a cup of wedding soup for lunch. i got my turkey in a dry rub and will be making my shopping list for tomorrow so i can get the things for Sunday's dinner. i made dinner for Syd and myself, as she and Joe are feuding again, as it their wont.
i'm not going to try to stay up all night. i don't know if i'll see Rachel this weekend or not. but i know i am going to the Hall and to my meeting on Sunday, God willing and the creek don't rise. and i will do the things i have to do to be of service to my God, my family and my friends. because i've learned that everything is temporary on this planet, and they should therefore be treated with the love and care they deserve as precious things. that's it.
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