i still owe five minutes of dance today, and i'm going to take it tonight, as my stomach is full of good food and i need to remember that lean days may be just on the flip of the calendar page.
it's a strange thing, this pain that comes and goes (still gone, by the way). yesterday, as i was going into Aldi's, these two pretty sisters, older, asked me for assistance. in their buggy they had a box that was large, flat and unwieldy, with the back door of one of their cars open and neither of them maneuvering all that well. they asked if i'd give them a hand, and i lifted the box (awkward) and got it into the car without much effort. i felt my back twinge a bit, but it didn't get to hurting and i went in and got my stuff done.
i say that to say that today my back is no worse than it was before i moved the box to their car. this thing comes when it comes and it goes when it goes, and that simply does not strike me as 'just' arthritis. but i'm not a doctor, and doctors aren't always right, but neither am i.
i went to the store today, got dish detergent and brownie mix and sweetener that i didn't get yesterday. got a bag of chips too. then i went to the meat market, got two center cut pork chops and a bit of hot ground italian sausage and half a pound of bacon. i didn't do breakfast but i ate a hamburger and some fries for lunch and had the chops with some dirty rice and greens for dinner. my stomach is hurting, with a feeling of being stuffed. age is a weird thing; sometimes just enough can be too much.
i've tried to call my mother back, but no one is answering the phone. i intend to cook dinner for them tomorrow, but not if i can't reach them, because they won't have anything out of the freezer for me to cook. so i guess i'll just visit and worry about cooking for them another day. i'll make coffee though, perhaps i will be early enough to just fix them breakfast and leave it at that.
watching clips of Holmes fight with Muhammad Ali. it's amazing sometimes to think how evil men can be, how much truly despicable shit they can do when it comes to the possibility of making a few dollars. what's more amazing is how much we allow despicable men to do when it means our egos might just be massaged one last time. i'm thinking about my father as well. i'm thinking about myself too.
i've been thinking about a character book. a novel with just two people, so that it's all story and dialog. i really have to start working on something commercial, much as that makes me want to gag. i don't know what people like, exactly. i know what a good story is. i've written good stories, but i am not a good marketer. and because i don't try for a particular genre, i don't even know how to get to someone who can help me sell my stuff. so i'm thinking of more conventional stories, more conventional storytelling. maybe if i can write something dialog rich and story motivated, something that captures most of the emotions of this particular point in future history, i can get ahead of the curve. we'll see. no more on it until i know one way or another.
Syd and Joe are still fighting. she asked to come here for a bit. i told her she could, but that maybe she needed to talk things out with Joe. had to say the responsible thing; too early in what will be too long a process to not learn how to work shit out. but i don't know if she did; she said later she was going to Akron with a friend for a few days, apologized for bothering me with her mess. i don't know what to say to that.
life is about to get very complicated. but i am alive to be complicated, and i am aware, so my brain is working. thank you, Father, for awareness and discernment.
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