Walking Day

I missed yesterday.  I spent most of the day running, back and forth to my parent's house twice,and once to my urologist referral appointment.  i mostly wanted to decompress, and didn't get to writing in the Journey.  but it was a good enough day.  i notice my frustration with my parents is rather acute lately, something i need to work on.  they are just being who they are now, who they can be.  i worry about them, and i worry a lot about my dad, who seems to be seeking a fountain of youth.  he is driving at night, somewhat, and he is joking with his cronies and yes-people about his minor collisions, which apparently are happening more frequently.  i don't know what else to do, except to be ready.  he's also having some difficulty managing his finances, and he doesn't want anyone to know, but it's got him pretty frustrated.  i try to stay available, but i can't help with what i am not given leeway to help with. 

their furnace went out on monday night, apparently.  i can't help but wonder how much of it is due to my father not knowing how central air really is supposed to work, simply jacking the thermostat to where it will do immediately what he wants it to do right that moment, and burning out from the improper settings.  i don't know for sure.  but it is not an old furnace, and it is having to be replaced.  that's happening right now.  i have to go back to my parent's house again, my mother's C-Pap machine is giving her a message about extracting and re-inserting the SD card, and she still doesn't know what that is, and she still won't ask her sister, who would know what it is. i'm sure that's part of it for me as well.  there are people closer than me, capable of some of this stuff.  but the time is coming, and may have already come, when i'll be set in my ways too, resistant to change for fear of a world that i don't comprehend. 

anyway, the urologist checked the plumbing (first time for some of it...yeeeeesh...) and everything seems in order.  i go back in a month to have an internal scope of my bladder, to see if there's anything going on down there.  but things are okay at the moment.  i have an actual awareness of the lack of discomfort and pain, that's a new awareness.  when you're young, or when i was, you'd get sick, and you'd know you were sick because it was all you could think of.  but the wellness came gradually, and before long you'd kind of forgotten you were even sick, because you were off and running and doing your thing as usual.  now, i'm pretty tuned in to my back NOT hurting, my feet NOT hurting, my legs NOT hurting.  i'm very aware of NOT having to piss sixteen times at night, NOT feeling so bad i don't want to get out of bed, don't want to eat, don't want to move at all.  more to the point, i'm hyper-aware that this is a respite, a moment between storms.  the sky is clear but the air is thick.  and the choice is to accept it or don't.  no in-between.  i have to live with that.  and i'm okay with it for now...because i'm not hurting at the moment. 

Sherese from the meeting texted me and asked if i'd like to walk before the meeting today.  i'm going to leave just before 1030, get the meeting set up and then go for a half-hour walk.  been a bit.  need to get back into it.  i'm glad she texted, and i'm grateful for the day.