Made it to 8

evening now, and the day was not a total waste.  it wasn't a waste at all, to be honest.  worst part, there was nothing on indeed.com or the vindy jobs section, so i didn't get an application in today.  i tried to just do a search engine inquiry into work from home positions, but there is mostly scam information to lure you into some kind of shenanigans you don't really want to be into.  i'm going to check again in a bit, as i have to do some getting ready for tomorrow this evening.  i have my referral appointment with the urologist first thing in the morning, and i won't have time for shower or shave, and i damn sure ain't rushing the shave thing again, don't want to cut another divot out of my head.  so i'm getting both those things in this evening. 

but the day itself, i am grateful for, and i'm glad that i can feel that again.  i went to a late breakfast/early lunch with Syd, and we had a chance to talk a bit.  i find myself talking mostly when we are around each other, but that's a parent thing, i think, and i just want her to be okay.  we went to Eat n Park in Austintown, and then to K-Mart as i'm still trying to find a remote control and got some bags for my vacuum cleaner instead.  after i took her home i went to my parent's house and starting working on our dinner for the night.  i'd taken out a London broil and a regular small beef chuck roast and i stacked them with seasoning and onions on the bottom, between layers and on top, and close-tented foil to keep everything inside and popped it in the oven.  the chuck roast was still mostly frozen, so i needed a slow oven roast in foil for tenderness.  it worked well, and i did smashed potatoes with them and a veggie mix that had zucchini and green beans and carrots and some peppers and i added peas to it to fill it out. 

before i got a chance to finish cooking Lonnie called me and asked if i could do him a favor and pick up his father's meds from the VA and get them to the assisted living facility he's in.  i finished smashing the potatoes and took the trip in my mom's car.  i'm always happy to do something for my friends, especially the ones who are constantly there for me.  thanks to Lonnie my Roku is online and I can watch movies now when i want to.  that makes me extremely happy, not that i'm all into TV at this time, but you like to have choices.  anyway, i got the meds, got them delivered, got home, made the veggies, sliced the roast and the broil and made a gravy from the drippings and let the beef simmer in the gravy so it would be fall apart tender for my parents.  i had a plate and talked with my mom a bit, and then i came home. 

i do need to make money, that is true.  i had a job at Amazon that i liked, but i was going through physical changes as well.  there's no point pretending it's all on my Dad or all on Syd.  i was going through some of the same changes i went through at CCA, with the neuropathy and the gout.  at CCA i wasn't up to the physical challenge of one side, i didn't like the notion of having to be a hard-ass to the residents, and i didn't have much motivation to do any more than what i was allowed to do.  i saw that it wasn't a fit, and while i should have stuck with the two week notice, i was gone after 3 months.  both those situations are my responsibility; i must take ownership for them.  i have to find work in spite of them, and that means i have to continue the search until the person who is going to see me for what and who i am, and for what i am truly capable of bringing to the table, sees my resume and decides to take a chance.  and until then, i will maintain as best i can.  i am grateful, right now.  a day of family, of food, of being in a good space with the people i came into this world with.  take the victory that is yours, and be blessed with the knowledge that it was not guaranteed.  thank you, Father.