Little Late...

sometimes, its said better by someone else.

Thursday evening.  it's been a good enough day, and i'm grateful for it.  i didn't do much today, but i didn't do much by choice.  i'm okay with that.  i did some cleaning, did some shopping, but mostly i chilled, and it wasn't bad.  i don't think i need to do more of it, i just need to appreciate it when i am in recline mode.  i think that's the key.

in fact, i slept in today.  i didn't get up until about 8am.  when i did, i slowly got the day started.  i said my prayers, read my stuff and took my meds.  i had a breakfast sandwich.  and i thought...i've been running for the past 4 days, sunday through wednesday.  i think i'm okay taking a day for myself...i think that's going to be all right.  so i dialed down to about 2 internally.  i did a quick cleaning on things that needed it, washed a load of clothes and two coats that have been laying around here, gave the man's coat to my brother and will find someone who needs the woman's coat.  i went to the store for stuff for chili and got lunch from my food cart.  i tried again to watch a movie, but it's not really happening.  i guess i know that it's not the main event in my life right now.  but i watched most of one until my Roku gave out.  i have to get Time/Warner to check on this wifi box, cause it doesn't seem to hold a steady output of wireless connection.  

i talked to my brother, to my mom and dad.  i talked to Syd, who should make an effort to come by on Sunday to learn how to cook greens.  i have a plan for tomorrow; i'm going to go to counseling, and i'm going to go to Sav-a-Lot after to get what greens i can there.  i'm going to see my parents, and see if my aunt can use this coat.  i'm going to come home and clean these greens and get them cut up and into the fridge.  gonna get this turkey from the freezer into the fridge to thaw as well.  i'm going to start my prep and keep working on it.  and i'm going to finish some things that need to be finished, like this assessment shit from Ohio Means Jobs, its bullshit but i'm going to get it done, see if i can get those motherfuckers to help me find work.  i've got chili and cornbread for dinner tomorrow, i'm going to repeat the greens search on saturday and sunday i'll be cooking.  

i am okay for now.  and i am thankful to Jehovah for a restful day. i didn't even have an idea for writing today, but i did a pretty cool piece that i posted, just still sorting through thoughts and memories, i guess.

LOST FAITH

lost faith in forever,
words are like wind,
require dead leaves
and bare branches
to bend to
reveal the substance
that is unseen within.
lost faith in forever,
she as a religion
meant me as the devil
worshiping reflection,
fallen from a heaven
ripe for insurrection
because belief
pulls in too many directions.
lost faith in forever,
and she walked away
to some new destination,
some newly formed fate
and alone in a garden
dead in the first snow
i buried love's cold body
and learned how to hate.
lost faith in forever,
fuck poets and priests,
liars and deceivers,
all marked by the beast,
promises of laughter,
broken with elan,
this skin now a bag
for the madness of man.

and perhaps in dreams
Heartbreak appears more clever,
but waking with screams
stole my faith
in forever.

Timothy Z, 2017