I share my blessing with you today. On this date in 1988, I was given a new spiritual chance at life. I was 20 years old, and I had completely failed at the task of living. Gone far above and beyond the call of 'this spirit he wants to kill', as Funkadelic would say, I was at my bottom, what would soon be referred to as a crackhead, an alcoholic, a dopefiend, depressed, suicidal, homeless, eating from dumpsters, sleeping in doorways, 3 years out of high school. I wasn't unique: many in my generation were caught up in the drug thing, to one degree or another. My desire...was to die. God's plan was something very different. November 27, 1988 is my sobriety date; I have gone around the sun 29 times since that day, and while I am not where I would like to be, I thank Jehovah daily that I was not in charge of my expiration date. "Man proposes; God disposes".
This isn't a request for congratulations, please don't. Honesty is therapy. There are times I wish I could still do what some do; there are times when I'm overwhelmed in an insane world where prejudice, racial tension, nationalism and bullshit have become the political norm rather than the thing to be fought against. The 'opioid epidemic' is claiming lives and setting up warring factions, foaming at the mouth about the value of a life, ANY life. The dimensions of just how huge an issue women's sexual abuse really is has become the latest monster growing in the public eye. You think I wouldn't love to be able to just...make my mind not feel that shit, for just a day or three?
The thing is, I am honored to be a recovering addict. I was the spoiled child who overdid this privilege and had it taken away from him. I now have the task of carrying a message of hope, not just to addicts and alcoholics, but to those who don't know that change is always possible. This is a world of false faces, pretend friends and instant fans. THIS world, this Socially-Mediated faerie tale. Easy to get lost; easy to lose your mind. But...who you are, what you feel, what you think, THAT YOU THINK, what you say, how you live, that you LOVE...those are the things that will bring about the change that you need. at least...that's what did it for me.
I sit here, on my anniversary, in my grandparent's old house, hemmed up with gout, coming off of a recurring back pain, still mourning the end of a 'relationship'. I am 29 years older than the corpse I left swinging from a rafter in a garage on Gilbert St. in Columbus, Ohio, all those years ago. I've sponsored hundreds, probably. I've taken calls at all times of the day or night, when that was how you carried the message. I've done 12 step calls in drug houses and neighborhoods some wouldn't dare to walk in. I've sat in parking lots and driveways, listening to those who just needed an ear. I've been a friend to the best of my ability, and that has not always been successful. And...these are my blessings. I'm not special.. I'm an asshole of an amazing magnitude. I'm a Vibologist of the first rank. I am a child of my Creator. I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. And this is my 29th finished year around the sun, sober.
I hope I have been some kind of blessing in your life. If I have not...I hope I get a chance to be before it's over. Aspire Higher, and thank you for me.
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