Well, it's begun. November is officially here for me, by way of selfishness, childishness, pettiness and bullshit, as well as judgmental behavior by me that needs work. I am tired of resisting and I need a moment to breathe, and I seriously doubt that will be afforded me. And it's my own fault. Let the Devil ride, he'said gonna want to drive as the old folks say.
Today is rough, knew it would be. I slept well, got my prayer in waking and did my meditation and took my meds. I had a good breakfast. I worked on a new piece, thinking about getting down to business with my business. I put clothes away, I wrote two poems, cleaned my kitchen, even made my bed. I was just trying to keep rolling, knowing things were starting to change. And then it started to turn.
I got a 'no-reply' email from a company i'd just applied at yesterday, another rejection. Positions I would be perfect for, trying to apply within my abilities, work from home, customer service. But I am being turned down everytime. Brought me straight down. Then i hear from a guy I used to sponsor who wants to know about supplies. One more person who bailed and has no recollection of where he'he's from or where he used to be. On my way south I called to see about what my mom took out for me to cook, but it was nothing. And the turkeys that were supposed to be on the porch til I got there taken downstairs by my father. And I have to retrieve them and get them to my freezer so they can keep til Thanksgiving.
Add to that these...children...at this meeting bitch and bail, with no propriety sense, no focus on what's best for the meeting. They only care about themselves. The problems the meeting is having with the owners of the club, the receipts we'really not getting...but the solution is to bail.
Right now i'm angry, I'm bummed, I'm tired of struggle and lack. I'm tired of waiting to hurt and crawling around and hoping for better while waiting for worse.
I don't believe I am grateful enough today. I'very got to do better than this.
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