Stupid and Contagious

Sunday morning, and i'm tired as hell.  i was awakened this morning by someone knocking on the front door, asking for my cousin Melvin.  by morning, i mean 430 in the morning.  that has only so many meanings in this world that i live in.  one, dope, two, money, three, trouble.  and none of them are exclusive of each other.  so i woke the hell up.  and i was on alert from that point forward.  i gave no information, other than the fact that he doesn't live here anymore.  but the person (or persons) came back an hour later, as if that would be sufficient to make the house occupant think it was no longer trouble. 

i don't really care, as i am not my cousin and he doesn't live here.  and the people i owe money to just call incessantly; they don't come pounding on doors at 5 in the a.m.  but it's still something to be mindful of.  like, the person said his name was Tyrone (logging details, just so it can be documented here.  there is someone named Tyrone, around my cousin's age, who was just released from the city jail about 3 days ago.  i check these things.  but this is a holiday season, and his claim to be a cousin could be true as well.  nonetheless, it is not an appropriate hour for visiting. 

to make matters worse, of course, i sleep in the front room, right off the front door.  so it's not the safest feeling in the world.  but it is what i have to deal with at this time.

i made the most of it so far.  i said my prayers and turned on my coffee maker.  i read my meditation book but still need to get into some scriptures.  i got my broth simmering and cut up my greens.  i had a donut and half a turkey sandwich this morning.  i've taken my medicines and my sugar was 104, which is very good.  i'm cooking the greens now.  i have such a problem with proportion.  i can't really tell if i have enough for my parent's house, for Lonnie, for Syd and for me, and to put aside a serving for TP, who i really need to make sure gets some.  i'm sure there are in my head; it was a garbage bag full of greens, after all.  but in my heart, it's never enough.  so strange. 

i did shower and shave last night, and now i'm journaling so i can get this shit over to the meeting.  i have what i want to wear for the video shoot today.  gonna do it in the living room, going to keep it simple as i can.  i don't even know what dinner is going to be today, as i haven't made preparations to that effect.  but i'm not worried; i am cared for.

i have to check on my mother.  my father has made other plans for Thursday.  i think it's financial for him, but it's cool either way.  i told my mother that i was going to cook regardless, that i am preparing what i'm cooking now for more than one house.  but i don't understand sometimes.  when we were kids, the holidays were always tumultuous.  and there was always the separation of family, because mom didn't celebrate anything and dad didn't want to NOT commemorate those events.  so he would go, regardless of whether mom cooked something 'special' in an attempt to keep the family home. 

i don't care about Thanksgiving, to be honest.  it means nothing; as an event it is an epoch, marking the onset of duplicity, disease and genocide of the original occupants of this continent.  it is nothing more than an assigned time to sit down as a family and break bread.  and we do that more than once a year, so i don't mind it.  but i don't want stress and would rather stay home and do my own thing if that is the agenda to come.  but we'll see. 

it's almost 11.  gonna leave about noon, wait for Matt to show up so he can get the meeting stuff and i can help him set up.  I am grateful for the day, I thank God for keeping me safe, and i will rest tonight.