anyway, today wasn't bad. slow due to the heat, but good nonetheless. i got up with prayer and decided to chill after the 2.3 mile walk on thurday, though i plan a much less intense walk tomorrow morning. i had breakfast, sort of messed around with a melody on a guitar app on my phone which turned into something that i've been working on most of the day, and i went to counseling. i enjoy the sessions with VF still, but we usually talk about the state of the world, which always is bad, and it makes her sad to think about the things that stay on my mind. too late for the 'clinical' roles to be resumed, i guess, but she's good people, and one of the few individuals whom i'd like to NOT see affected by this stupid world. so, you carry the guilt and try to keep it moving, and appreciate the gift that a good person is to you. i guess. that's what i do anyway.
well, went to the store after counseling, got the last couple of things i needed for tomorrow. Rachel and I are trying it again. i gave her an official invitation to dinner. designed it, printed it up and put it in an envelope. delivered it when i visited her yesterday. i am apprehensive, i must admit. i have planned for simplicity, which for me is a bit of an oxymoron. i have taken what i know about her into account, and have a nice four course meal planned, maybe some Scrabble if she has time, likely a trip to the Butler before we eat. i just can't say whether it's going to go well or end in a crash and burn, as so many other good days have. perhaps it is a masochistic streak in me. or maybe it's just that i want to believe that better can become better still. i don't know. but i've not given up yet, and i don't intend to. still, i am trying to remain objective, so that if something happens, i will know that i did nothing wrong and that it's just time to do an assessment check and figure out what's my next move in my own personal life.
anyway, dinner is prepped, salads are made and chilled. a couple little surprises, but still in the range of simplicity. now i just have to get to tomorrow, should God will it.
i am tired. straightened up as much as i plan to. need to write a poem to go with the melody and harmony i recorded today. it is to be a poem for Rachel, one she'll have to carry in her heart rather than something she can have, because i have no intention of writing it to give her a copy. i have so many other things that need to be done too, but i will get to them, one thing at a time. i'm just glad this day is over. thanking my Heavenly Father for all the blessings i've received today, and i'm gone.
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