echo

she actually cried.  that bodes ill for the future, but for today, it was perfect.  

i got up and got into this day as a start to a plan.  i prayed, got coffee started, moving very slowly.  a part of me didn't want to start at all, but i knew i had a day to make up for yesterday, and i knew i had a day planned, so i got it going right.  i went for a half hour walk, went and grabbed a cheap breakfast and came home to finish my prep stuff.  

i'd made plans for Rachel to (optionally) come to spend some time being appreciated today.  it was accompanied with an actual invitation, which i took to her when i visited on Thursday.  i didn't know for sure she'd be coming and had actually thought she wouldn't, as she has been tied up in family stuff.  so i did my day on an 'act as if' basis.  that is to say, if i acted as if she wasn't coming, there'd be little disappointment and some measure of happy surprise if she did.  

i went to Wal-Mart to check for Lonnie on a mirror extender for his trip to get his daughter to Arizona, and i came back home again. i'd cooked the salmon patties and partially roasted the potatoes, so they could be finished quickly should she come or whenever it was time for me to eat.  i took a bath, shaved and pondered what i needed to get done and how could i most effectively carry that out.  Karl came by with some music and he visited for a bit.  it was closing in on noon, so after he left i went to get a sandwich for lunch so i could take my long acting insulin.  Rachel called as i was pulling into the driveway to say she was ready, so i went to pick her up.

she seemed on guard when i got to her.  i didn't say much, just let her sit in her silence.  when we got here, i got things started.  i'd prepared a playlist for her, had made a four-course meal and had a surprise which i've included in this log.  the \playlist glitched, or windows media player glitched, but i got around that.  she sat at a distance until i started to read her a poem.  then i said that just reading it wouldn't be enough for a goddess appreciation day (my term) so i played her the video.  and...she cried.  cried for awhile in fact.  and cried later.  and had tears in her eyes most of the evening.  we ate.  a veggie-chicken and rice spicy soup, a green salad with some apple and some other crunchy things, salmon croquettes and roasted red-skinned parmesan potatoes and sauteed asparagus and mushrooms.  for dessert a peanut butter pie.  Rachel loves peanut butter.  

it was interesting, how we both had to shoot insulin, how we played scrabble together much better than we'd played dominoes with her children, how she got and gets so lost with words, trying to not say things that she wants to say, and trying to not feel things when they are all over her.  i know she's going to run.  i know that she's going to feel compromised.  but for tonight, she cried, and she was happy, and that's pretty much as good as it gets.  some never even get that much in this lifetime, do they?  

i'm going to keep it simple and go to bed.  it is about that time, and i have a meeting to get to tomorrow.  thank you, Jehovah.