dammit

i'm pretty sure i missed yesterday, haven't checked yet.  it's the heat, i believe.  it's so damn intense it is making me have to shut down big swatches of my personage just to function.  but i'm getting this done early so i can chill.

this has been another slow day.  i'm finding as i get older the less i try to do 'heatwave heroics', the easier i can deal with high temps.  so i got up, this was my off day, no walk, no gym, i said prayers, i took meds, i ate breakfast, i studies some of the SCORE material and did some of the worksheet they gave me, and i showered and got ready for the meeting.  i'm in the process of preparing a 'just in case' day for saturday, should Rachel decide to come hang out with me.  gonna prep dinner, figure on what movie to watch, get my house clean between tonight and tomorrow and put to rest all the chores, like taking my dad to an eye appointment tomorrow.  if Rachel can't make it i'll still have a chill out weekend, but it's a six of one, half dozen of the other plan.  and i can live with that.

Patrice called me last night.  i hadn't heard from her since two weeks ago.  she has an issue with understanding staying in touch.  i am sometimes saddened, by people's actions, yes, but also by the way the world keeps turning people into this caricatures of humans.  she said she wasn't feeling good, and i understand that.  but when a person is texting, or calling, and showing that they are trying to get in touch with you, the least you can do is send a message:  'i'm alive, not communicative right now, talk soon' or some such bullshit.  but no.  not now, not ever, and likely not in this lifetime.  so, i told her i was bummed about her but i would live.

bummed as well about not getting the publishing nomination, but as i move to a clearer picture of what i want from my publishing venture, it is not heavy duty down with not being chosen by kindle.  i am going to make my own road, and what could be better than this?

i have eaten.  i'm going to take my fast acting insulin, and i'm going to lay down and try to read in my hot room.  i'm walking tomorrow.  i've mapped out a route that will give me 2.3 miles and will be circuitous so if i find it too much i can cut over on any side street and make it home.  but God and toti have been on point, and i've enjoyed the early morning walks, and i can't see a reason tomorrow should be different.  so, we're going to do this and if we succeed, it will be a lovely thing.

okay, i'm done for now.  thank you, Jehovah, for a really peaceful day.