blahs

this has been a drag of a day.  i can't say anything good or bad about it, honestly.
i got up and forgot my prayers but got my walk in.  i said my prayers after i finished my walk.  i had breakfast and took meds and insulin.  i straightened my bed.  i gathered clothes and went to wash at a laundromat.  i went to my parent's house to check on my dad and visit briefly.  had a long talk with my brother about some of the issues with our family.  i got fish for lunch, had sausage for dinner.  i gave Syd some money, as the CS card hasn't loaded yet.
i am bored.  i am lonely.  i am sad.  last week i was feeling this after having a day with Rachel.  a question i'm trying not to ask myself is, if loving someone always ends in sadness, why do it?
i'm afraid that an honest answer will make me alter my trajectory, truth be told.  so i have to find courage to answer it honestly.  but i also have to have acceptance that my God has a purpose for all this.  i sure hope so.  i'm tired of being sad and feeling like my happiness is on hold.