i know that i've been sleeping early last couple days of the week, from lack of evening sleep, anniversary event and just being tired from going constantly in and out of the cold. but i also know i have a laptop on my bed, warped though the casing may be, that i could use to update. No Excuses are sufficient.
i can only apologize. to myself first, because this is MY Journey, to get to know me, to become a person that is doing the things that he is supposed to be doing, capable of doing, and hopefully meeting the approval of his God in his changing actions. second of all, to anyone who may read this on a regular or semi-regular basis who might worry when the updates get sparse. i don't need to know anyone is reading it at all. in fact, the purpose of this vehicle is to allow me to do a 10th step combining all the inventory/amend steps (4, 5, 8 and 9) and to have a witness, whenever someone partakes of this, of my actions. if i don't do this, then i'm hiding things, even from myself. and that's dangerous.
so, i'm sorry TOTI, i'm sorry anonymous stranger/friend. i'm sorry and i must amend this by increasing acceptance of the needed discipline to do this right.
so, can i update 3 days worth? i can try.
on the first, which was Thursday, i did the normal routine, the regular driver for the bus i ride on was back so we had a good route, there was another inservice meeting in which i discovered my position as a bus aide may be in jeopardy far sooner than i thought, i was given brownies by a client's mom, and i ate one of them, and i knew then i was already compromised from my activities of the anniversary meeting, despite finding pleasure in the decrease of my mass. on Friday, I did the same, though i did include breakfast on Friday and i packed up the brownies and the rest of the banana pudding and took them with me to deliver them in the course of my day. i got paid from PCS finally, i had a good counseling session and gave VF and her crew the brownies, i went to my mother's house before counseling and put the banana pudding in the fridge, went back over afterward to hook up the new converter box in the living room, finished the work day nice but with reduced time due to the inservice the day before. i went to Scenna's and got my dad and mom fish dinners for the evening and i came home and ate and went to bed. that's the overview, the details are not going to get fished out of the mire of my memory, sorry.
today, i got up about five, but i didn't get moving for a couple hours. i said my prayer, i did finally get out of the bed, and i fixed coffee. i took my pills and insulin, i had coffee and water and i read all my meditation books and from my bible, from John i believe. i did a load of clothes, got them washed and dried and folded, and i decided to go grab supplies as i've not had the money to do much of that for the last couple months. i went to Big Lots and Aldi's, went to the Amish market looking for dry link sausage for my driver. i went to Sparkle market and i came back home. i got cleaning stuff and toilet tissue and paper towels. i got stuff to make my soup today. i had lunch and got started on my soup. i made a pot of broccoli/cauliflower/cheddar soup and a pot of turkey spinach soup. i have not done much else. i'm planning on soup and a sandwich this evening, and i have a sugar free cherry pie for dessert.
i'm trying to think of something that i want. it's been quite a while since i treated myself to something, and with the hard times i've been going through lately, it would be nice to find something useful and nice for me. but i know the trick and i have to adhere to it. just like i got the thing at work, 'as long as i'm early i'll never be late (thanks, Father) though that's been negated by their 'policies', if i continue to live as i did when i had no money, money will accumulate. that's my plan anyway. so i'm going to stay frugal, pay my bills, eat simply, and work. i'm going to keep looking for another job and i'm going to stay as grateful as i can. and in the end, i'm going to just say thank you, Jehovah, for letting me know i have a responsibility, that i have to be mindful to pass along the happiness and sobriety you've given me so that i may keep growing and becoming. and that's the update i've got for now.
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