it's something to know when you wake up that the day will likely be a taxing experience. there's nothing you can do about it. oh, you can decide to wuss out, to bail on the day, damn the consequences and torpedoes. but when you get to a certain station in life, a certain AGE, if you will, that's not really an option anymore. so you take the bit between your teeth (or gums) and you just ride on into it. and sometimes, some rare times, you're disappointed and it turns out to be an okay day. but you usually know what it is that is going to color your day a murky shit-brown before you even put your feet on the floor. it's usually carry-over from the previous day, and it's not really your shit, it just keeps getting flung at you. and on those days when you're right...there's not enough self-reflection to create a sense of okay-ness with it all.
that's what today was. but the day is almost over and i'm okay with it...now.
anyway, the day started off with that in my head. i'm pretty sure that's what shorted my sleep. but i got through the night, got up with a busted prayer, and got the day started. i read two of my meditation books, read from Psalms, had breakfast, took meds and got it in gear to get to work. it was a nice day, 66 degrees in the morning, but that wasn't going to last so i wore my coat out. by the time work actually started, i knew i was right.
there are people in the world who are quiet crazy. they do things that let you know they are nuts, but they tend to act as if they don't do those things. my dad used to be like that. he'd beat the hell out of you for punishment, then ask you about the baseball game. used to piss me off, like it trivialized the fact that i just got my ass beat or something. my driver, the Boss, is sort of like that. i know she has had a serious loss in her family, still don't know who or what happened or anything. but i know it's close enough that she's acting like a squirrel on helium. so getting through the first part of the day was a challenge. then we had the dog and pony show, which was the inservice meeting, to talk about things that require only a memo for each person to read and adhere to. then i did the noon CA meeting, after buying my lunch.
the meeting was okay, and then it was back to work. but i had a sense of dread going back, as if i really and truly did not wish to be there. not with my driver going through her shit and having a funky attitude as a result of it. and the worst part was i was not able to remain truly objective. i knew she was going through shit. i should have been able to remember that and just keep it moving. but she got nitpicky, and it made for a long, long trip. by the end of the day, we had got somewhere near the same chapter in the book, if not the same page, and that was all i could really take from the experience.
now home, i made a pot of homemade soup, had a bowl with the last of the meatloaf and am about to try to put this video together again from scratch. we'll see if i do a better job today. regardless, i'm hoping, truly praying, that tomorrow is a better work day. but either way, i thank Jehovah for the work, and for the day. that's the deal.
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