this was an emotional day for me, this journey was trying. maybe it's just the season, maybe it's just the laundry list of things that continue to occur, as life does without any consent or permission granted or needed. i don't know. i guess i'm just getting older and it's getting to me now.
i woke from the pain in my side, early, but not wanting to move. i was tired, as i had taken a very strong dose of nighttime cold and flu medicine in order to sleep through the pain, which is not a good thing to start with. to wake early from that was to wake groggy and disjointed. i laid around, trying to talk myself out of the doctor visit. i knew nothing would come from it. people are insistent that when something twinges or twitches, you should flee to the nearest physician, but it doesn't work that way. it never really has. doctors guess, or deduce i suppose if you're an educated physician, on the basis of experience and symptom. given enough time and enough occurrences, you too can hypothesize as to the nature of your ailment. but, since they made me a next-day appointment and i did not want to seem ungrateful, i agreed to go. and, they had no idea what the problem was. AND, they suggested i can go to the ER if i need some immediate answers. which is what i said i'd do after i finished my 'have to do' things today. but, listening to people...
anyway, that was a drive to warren at 8 in the morning. then i got gas, went to my parent's house and made my mom some breakfast. i did get money out of the bank to put in my other account to pay for my end of life arrangements. so that was constructive. then i went to my meeting.
the meeting was small, but it runs long every week. i was snotty and blowing my nose, and so i sat apart from everyone else and did the secretary books. i left the meeting and went to put the money in the account it needed to go to, went to Sparkle and got more pop and a dessert and i went home. i made a hamburger as i worked on the additives for my dinner chili. after i ate and got my chili in the crock pot, i pretty much watched movies until it was time to eat, and then i watched "300" til a little while ago.
as i was leaving the meeting i got an email from Enterprise. i'd put in an application with them for a work from home rental agent, and they turned me down. that made me feel pretty bad. nothing seems to be panning out. but i talked to Lonnie and he suggested some really good changes to my resume and cover letter that i'm sure will help.
should i be blessed with life tomorrow, i'm going to work on some changes right here. work on my resume, work on my cover letter, get some cleaning done, take some me time. i'm going to write and dance and relax as much as i can. i'm not going to just surrender because things keep happening, nor am i going to be foolish enough to challenge the negative energy/demons/whatever you want to call it, to put my very finite self in opposition to it. God is doing for me what i cannot do for myself and i'm getting to the point of doing more for myself as i learn and grow. so i'm not going to get stupid needlessly.
i am grateful for the lessons today, Jehovah.
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