Whew! I don't know what this shit is, but i don't like it. it's almost like i fell somewhere along the way and don't remember falling, because my ribs are hurting on the left side. or my left side is hurting beneath my ribs. then again, it could be this incipient cold still trying to cling to me, working it's evil magic inside first, to blossom into a dark flower of sickness and poison my entire being.
but let's hope not.
this has been a day of some contemplation. it has been a good day for the most part, but the need for employment grows and the prospects of finding it in a timely fashion is becoming more hypothetical than ever. i got up strong today, slept a good sleep with the aid of a cold and cough medicine, and i got the day started creatively. i danced, i wrote, i prayed and read my books, i took my medicine and my insulin and had coffee. then i texted a friend on Facebook to ask how her birthday went, and from there my day took a bit of a reflective turn.
the woman in question is a childhood friend. we attended grade school together, were in many of the same classes. i recall her as a mean little girl and she remembers me as a shy, reserved and isolated little boy. we're both some right, but we both also had our own stories that neither one knew about. that's what makes a lot of hindsight so sad...you realize you missed things that there was no way you could have caught, but they would have made all the difference in the world.
anyway, somehow i ended up being talked into going to breakfast. now, i'm a breakfast kind of guy. love it, favorite meal of the day. but i have been trying to be quite a bit more frugal. job situation mentioned above. my funds are exceptionally limited. and a breakfast date was not on my agenda. i'm writing about it now because it plays into my attempts at deeper honesty and my need for further spiritual development. first i said no, because i don't do instant decisions (true, but not whole truth) and because i was fighting a cold (ditto), and i tried to move things back about 24 hours. but she goes to work tomorrow (we'll call her L, by the way). so, being that we've been back in touch with each other for about two years or so now, which meant it really wasn't an instant thing, and i did not want to seem the asshole, i agreed. but the real reason i was begging off is because i am going to have another rough month financially. and that is a lack of faith for real.
i got online and paid my house bills. gas, electric, water and internet. then i took a shower, groomed, dressed and made my way to Perkins. it was a nice breakfast and nice conversation. she's a sweetheart (she actually always has been, despite being a mean little girl once upon a time) and i found the connection that made a difference. she is very business minded, very much into developing and growing companies. i talked to her about helping me to sell my books, and she agreed. i don't know where this is going to lead, but 'way leads on to way', right? besides, i have other bills that need to be paid, and i'll have a couple bucks to stretch through the month, but i have to do something for myself, and a breakfast date with an old friend is not the worst thing in the world.
but the worry is real. and i don't understand it. God has always taken care of me. i guess it's human to put more stock sometimes in human apathy, indifference and cruelty than in God's working out solutions in His own time, because the former is always in your face, very evident. but i have to do better. i know the only way i'm going to develop my own business is with the help of someone who not only knows how to do it, but is willing to invest the time into me. so, that happened.
the rest of the day has been okay. watched some movies, ate some spaghetti and a salad for dinner and worked on some harmony for the song i'm doing. i do believe i'm done with this day though. i think i may have slid beneath consciousness briefly earlier, but i'm going to take some more medicine and put it down for the night, and try to get to the north side to see my parents tomorrow. life is going to go on, and i may as well be a part of it. i am truly appreciative of Jehovah, my Father, for continuing to keep me mindful of the fact that His will will be done.
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