Jehovah sipping coffee (theory of relativity, big picture)

there is a thing that people do, in general, and that i've done specifically, in which we learn to pray, as children are taught.  and they are taught, in one way or another.  they're taught when they say the 'god is great, god is good' before digging into a meal, they're taught with the 'now i lay me down to sleep' when they get ready for bed.  these are actually pretty clever poems, but even the so-called 'Lord's Prayer' is a poem when set to the meter that the 12 step folks give it.  kids are taught to pray before engaging in competition.  both sides of a skirmish pray before the game begins, and one side has the weaker 'god', as only one side can win.  we're taught to worship other things, money, power, property, music, food, sex, etc...and all the mantras we utter in reverence or pleading to those 'deities' become prayers of their own, floating out across the either, seeking purchase in the favor to be shown our acts of contrition and obedience. 

but really, prayer, the honest communication with one's Creator, is something that goes without much understanding. 

i've prayed for a long time.  in recent years, i've restored my daily morning prayer.  i don't often pray at night; i don't know why, but my hypothesis is i know i'm far more distracted in the evenings than i am in the morning.  this 10th step, this Journey log, serves as a form of prayer for me, because i try to remember to say 'thank you' at the end of each day when i'm writing in this.  that is vital, because i quickly lose gratitude and have to reassess in order to stay on track.  but the point is, prayer has to be understood, at least by me.  prayer has a purpose and it has a meaning, and it is for a reason.  and the reason is what i start with:  For me, prayer is the constant reminder that there is a God, that I am not God, and that I need His aid and power, He doesn't require mine, for I have none apart from Him.  that is the most important truth that i can write.

the meaning of prayer is to remember on a regular basis to center myself in spiritual movement.  that's not always an easy thing to do.  i am in flesh; i am human and weak.  i desire.  i miss Rachel, i miss active and close friends, i miss conversation that ranges from politics to proper preparation of homemade red sauce.  i miss my family most days.  i have very little money; i miss the luxury of taking myself somewhere nice to eat, and i miss having someone to take somewhere nice to eat.  i have not been to the Hall in months, nor the gym.  i'm overweight and need to get to addressing that.  things.  things that self-will have no good effect upon.  in the physical movement, these things make me crazy, make me want to do things that would surely damage the integral self that i require to continue to become.  but in the spiritual movement of things, they are just goals that are set, achievements that will occur.  they are, in fact, already resolved issues; faith requires that i continue walking on this road until they manifest in physicality; they already exist in the spiritual realm. 

the purpose?  so that i can grow, change and become.  so that i can have truth to my Z.  so that i can remember that my success has little to do with what i write, with what's in the bank or what's attached to my flesh in opposite gender form, but it has everything to do with what i learn, what i share, how i love, how i forgive, how i am of service.  what do i do that makes God smile?  what can i do to make him know that his creation of me was not a bad thing?  and those may seem like arrogant thoughts, but if a person were to put God's feelings, his possible emotions, before their eyes, a lot of the things that we do would be circumspect, and would likely be on the chopping block immediately. 

thing is, God answers prayers.  i believe that.  but, when i'm running in flesh and self-will, i forget that God has no human clock.  he has no human calendar, no human timepiece whatever.  God does what God does when God decides it's the right time.  and no sooner, and no later. 

today, i went for a physical, a drug and background test for a job that i may or may not get.  the job would be a bus aide and eventually maybe a transportation driver for developmentally disabled individuals.  i'm busy doing the assessments now, in fact.  i also had a call about a job as a valet at the local hospital, and i talked to the person on the phone and have an interview on Tuesday.  and i got an email from TruGreen, a different position that i'd talked to the person i interviewed with a few months ago.  i resubmitted my application and now can only wait to see. 

i am almost out of funds.  the third of January is 6 days away.  but i have enough food for far more than six days.  i have heat, i have water, i have shelter and a bed.  i have the means to do these assessments, as they're all online.  i have responses to changes that i made in my resume, thanks to my friend Lonnie.  i have things happening.  i am blessed, and have been all along, but i forgot that i was.  Why?

because a thousand years to man is but a day to God.  scripture.  so, when i pray, for instance, perhaps God is just starting a sneeze.  little cloud in his sinuses or something.  my prayer is at the tickling in his nose, and it's answered in the same moment.  but it takes God's time, not mine, for that answer to reach me.  and when it reaches me, very likely God will not even have completed his sneeze yet.  a sneeze is an instant thing.  less than a second for humans.  how long are 1000 seconds?  if we were talking human relativity, on the human scale of things, a thousand seconds would be sixteen minutes.  imagine one sneeze that lasted sixteen minutes for a human.  not a sneezing jag; ONE SNEEZE.  you'd pass out, likely.  something would give.  it would scare you witless.  but that would be a moment for God.  just a moment.  my life is a moment to God.  so the answers are there, but i have to have the patience and the will to wait, and the actions to do right things until that answer is made manifest. 

this is just something that i've been pondering the last few days.  it's been a good day.  did what i needed to do, and will continue to do so.  tomorrow will be dancing and counseling and seeing what God's will is then.  but i am truly grateful to Jehovah for allowing me to understand that I am not Him, and i am really right to be glad about that.