i am exhausted. i had nothing but a fitful night, moments of drowsing between the hurting, and finally surrendering to not sleeping at all, for the most part. my brother and i had to go pick up food baskets from the union hall my dad belongs to, so there was no point after a bit of thinking sleep was going to happen. around 430, i got it started, didn't shower or shave, just muddled about, trying to get my head in some kind of shape for moving.
i got going about six-thirty, got gas which i've driven out today, got my brother and we got our stuff. i dropped him at his apartment, went to my parent's house for a bit, then got some breakfast from the Bell and went to counseling. i left there and went to Sav-a-Lot and Aldi's, and back to my parents for a bit, as my mom was upset i didn't stay longer earlier. i still didn't stay long, tried to tell her i just wasn't in the best mental space from the lack of sleep. i came home, unloaded my car, put groceries away, laid down for a little bit listening to Coltrane and trying to sleep, then i decided to hit the last stores on my list. i went to Sav-a-lot on this side of town for hot dogs and buns, went to the meat market and to Dollar General. it was a spending of money that i don't really have, but spending on things that i'm going to need, food-wise. one thing about so-called holiday cooking; i believe in the power of long-term leftovers.
i had lunch, washed a load of clothes and my coat and vest, watched a pretty brilliant animated movie and made my dinner. i'd already separated the few meats i'd gotten, put what i wanted in the freezer and the rest in the fridge. i am now not hurting too much, another dose of Tylenol arthritis, a bit stronger, i suppose. i'm going to try to sleep, i will clean tomorrow, get my ass moving. i'm blessed. i have everything i need, and some of what i want, to be honest. i miss Rachel, but life has a way of going on. thank you, Father.
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