Affect and Alleviation (hopefully?)

Man, i look at this guy and you know what i see?  i see a guy with no pain that lingers for 3 weeks.  now, don't get me wrong.  i don't see a pain-free guy, that's not what i'm saying.  i just don't see a guy who is sitting in a prolonged pain that came from nowhere and shows no signs of leaving, like a guest for the holiday who is still there five days later picking scraps from the turkey carcass.  i see a guy who is able to close his eyes, take a picture while trying to look like someone else was taking his picture, and shake it around with a bit of panache until his back starting singing and he was walking with a cane for a few days.  but that's not the guy who's writing this shit right now.

the day was cool.  no point bitching about things i can't control. today i got up and said my prayer and i was tired, Jack.  i don't even know why; slept better than i had in a minute, but when i got up i felt groggy and unresponsive.  i went in to the living room, put on Street Fighter with Sonny Chiba...and went to sleep.  slept for about 3, 4 hours maybe.  i got up, got it started for real.  took my meds and insulin, talked to my mother, who had called and i let her know i'd be by after coffee, talked to Lonnie, talked to Yvette, and then i was out.  i went north, found my mom on the phone and i started doing my thing.

i made them some pancakes for breakfast and fried two eggs for my mom to go with hers.  my brother Jerry stopped in for a minute, moving slow today.  i made enough that if he came back later from doing his thing he could get some.  then i started on dinner.  quick thawed a pack of ground beef from the downstairs freezer, mixed up some meatballs and got them in the oven.  made a small pot of rice and put some cans of corn next to the stove.  i have to leave my mom something to do.  i talked with her about a movie i watched yesterday, Poppy Shakespeare, very sad, very enlightening.  i left after a few hours and went east.  i went to Sav-a-Lot and got a couple things, dropped off that and some supplies i got from the parent's house before i went to the food cart.  i hadn't eaten breakfast, so i got a gyro and a pastalillo and went home and had lunch.  i watched some more television and i nodded a bit, and eventually i made myself some fish fillets from a box of frozens, some tomato soup and a spinach salad for dinner.  i cleaned my dishes, made a corn bread for my dressing for monday and i got my turkey in a brine.  i am now in bed, filing my thoughts. 

i can say that at this moment, the pain is discernibly lessened.  i took one gabapentin, two regular Tylenol and a pepcid, and i'm shutting it down.  i feel the neuropathic burning in my left hip, but the pain is dulled way back in my side.  that's good, i think.  i'll take it, under any circumstances. 

the second thing was watching a movie this evening.  it's called Lady Vengeance, a Korean film.  its about a woman who was imprisoned for 13 years for the murder of a small boy. she didn't actually do the crime, she just took the fall for it and spent her time in jail preparing for revenge against the real killer.  that's all i'm saying, you should watch it.  but what got me was, at one point, there were several families of other children who'd also been killed, watching film the killer took as he killed their children, and the actors playing the parents were so good with their heart-wrenching wails of despair and sorrow, it evoked a physical reaction of tears in me.  it made me sad to feel their sadness, even knowing it was manufactured.  what was more surprising was that i'd seen the movie before, and i hadn't reacted that way to it previously.  so, even after all this time, i still change, i still become.  God's not done with me yet. 

i am grateful for everything i'm aware of today.  i thank Jehovah, and now i'm going to try to get some sleep.