Better Care

I've spent some time lately reminiscing.  thinking back, not too long.  summer past, year before.  thinking about things in the status quo, in a boat of no motion on a sea with no waves, just trying to stand perfectly still and call it 'love'.  is that love?  is love a lack of movement for fear the ripples will cause too great a stir?  is love the holding of a single breath, the eggshells beneath careful feet that make no noise?  I miss her, but this life is getting interesting to me, and i'm looking forward to the adventure. 

this title is a double, meaning that i see two focuses after i wrote it.  i love being directed in this fashion.  my sleep was broken last night and may be again by this pain in my side.  rather than just hope for the best, i did the things i could today and made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow.  taking better care of myself, trying to anyway.  when i couldn't get back to sleep, i didn't try to run upstairs and get creative.  i laid back, i reflected.  i tried baking soda and warm water (bicarb) to see if i could ease the pain if it was a gas bubble.  helped some, not much.  i had breakfast, cleaned my dishes, went north eventually to my parent's house.  my Roku remote was there.  i made omelets and grits for my mom and aunt.  i was going to go to the doctor with my father had he gotten his appointment, but my side got to hurting pretty bad again and i left.  i went to the store, got a couple of things, and came home.  i went to Lonnie's house this evening, had dinner with he and Toscha.  i've talked to Chris, to Syd, i've worked on a song, though i didn't get much writing done because sitting makes this shit hurt worse.  i've done what i could.  i cared enough to try.  that's the second part of the double.  I Better Care.  i better be willing to act as if, and when i know what i'm supposed to do, do it.  because no one is going to do these things for me. 

i came home this evening and did the assessment for Enterprise car rental, where i applied for a work from home position.  God's will be done.  I am grateful for awareness, and i thank my Father for allowing my mind to continue to grow.