Regardless...

this journey has been ever so eventful this year.  twists and turns that i could not have envisioned at my most creative, and that is what life should be.  i'm not saying i enjoyed a whole lot of it; that would be the basest of lies.  no, i have likely been as traumatized as i've ever been before in my life.  but life goes on, as John Mellencamp pointed out.  long after the thrill of living is gone, life goes on.  and sometimes, a few thrills linger that one overlooks just because they get mired in the bullshit. 

so, this is Friday the 8th of December.  I'm writing this now because i could end up inconvenienced for some days to come.  i have a few errands to tend to today, and then i'm' going to the emergency room.  this pain is not abating, despite the antibiotics, and i didn't believe it would, but it was worth a shot.  still, i've gotten up, got a decent night's sleep, did my dancing, had my coffee and water and medicines and scripture and reading, and am about to shower and shave and dress and get my ass in gear for the day.  i don't feel bad, i just don't know what the fuck is going on.  and perhaps it is as simple as a kidney stone that is fucking me up.  i don't know.  i hope it's no more complicated than that.  but i know in late October i got CT scan and sonogram stuff done and they didn't find anything. doesn't matter.  i'm going to get checked out. 

i'm going to counseling.  i'm going to check on my parents.  i'm gathering up a bag in case they keep me, it will be in my car.  i'm just getting shit together, because i don't want to be caught off-guard.  and if they can diagnose and fix it, i'm cool with that too. either way.

i am grateful, though.  the year has touched me, and not in the best of ways.  but because i've survived it, i know i'm strong enough to survive a year like this.  and there's so much work to do, and so much ahead of me, that i'm just looking forward to the next day, if i get through this one. 

Happy 37th Anniversary to my counselor and her husband, and I hope for at least 37 more for them both. 

Thank you, Father, for your kindness and love today.  time to fly.