the untitled day

some days, they just sort of balance.  they're not good and they're not bad; they have their sad or melancholy moments, and they have their elements of learning or surprise.  they're untitled days, because they're the eye of the storm wherein there could be more nasty weather or there could be a complete clearing.  but either way, these are days between, and this was sort of a day like that. 

i got up easy enough, and it was a good night's sleep.  i'd done my chores for the weekend and i'd been to see my parents so it was a good enough saturday.  but sleep didn't start easy, and by the time i'd cued up the binaural beats video i was past the good sleep time that i usually like to go under.  didn't matter; i just slept in a bit today, was down until about 9 or so.  then i got up, said my prayers, lit one stick of incense, did my readings with fresh coffee and some water, and slowly got myself together for the noon meeting. 

the meeting wasn't bad, a couple of new people, but with newcomers, there's always an element of inherent sadness.  you kinda know that they're only there because there's nothing else going on at that time, and that they likely won't be back.  you don't live in that conclusion, but you've got a key, sad to say.  and i hate feeling that way, i hate being jaded in that fashion.  but i didn't get there because we impact so often and people keep staying and contributing to the well-being of the meeting.  its okay though.  you get what you get and you do the best you can with what you're given, and that's life on life's terms. 

on the ride over, my mind drifted into thoughts of Rachel, and they were thoughts of some anger, thoughts of some sadness.  i don't like them.  i don't think that matters, but its best to be truthful.  what i think about most is insane; like, i probably could have re-approached the situation if i hadn't let her phone get cut off.  but, the fact that she had a phone for the better part of a year by my actions doesn't come into play in those thoughts.  and even now, both seem both petty and ungracious.  truth is, we are where we are, and life has gone on for both of us.  that's the deal.  and whatever lies down the road begins in God's eye and ends in my experience, and that's how it should be. 

anyway, after i left the meeting, i went to Sparkles, as i wanted some dessert and i was running low on Faygo diet.  that is my decree;  anyone coming to my home should bring Faygo diet pop for the collection.  it is the only BRAND of pop that has a stunning variety of diets.  but that's just me. 

i was going to go to the meat market but they were closed, so i went to Sav-a-Lot also to get stuff as i was going to make meat loaf for dinner.  but i had a problem; i'd not eaten up to that point.  i was going to eat breakfast, but time got away from me.  and by the time i got home it was going on 3 in the afternoon. so i had a turkey-chicken-cheddar sandwich on wheat toast and the last of some sausage and pasta for lunch.  and that killed my motivation to make meat loaf and smashed potatoes for dinner.  i did make a cornmeal pancake and two scrambled eggs not long ago, but that's not sunday dinner for real. 

i'm going to try to sleep a good sleep tonight, and i have an idea for a book, i need to get an outline done so that i can get to work on it.  it's been awhile since i've done any writing.  i guess i have to motivate myself, nothing wrong with that.  just never been very good or consistent with it, but no time like now to get better, eh?  i did put in an application for the U-Haul in Warren, we'll see what comes of that. 

everyday need not be explosions and drama.  every day will not be a void of color and a silence that engulfs all experience.  the in between days are good for resetting and preparing for what comes next.  thank you, Father, for a good day.