spirit search

recovering spirit is not an easy task.  one, because it's not really ever clear as to when or where one actually lost or misplaced their spirit, and two, because whatever forces were enough to dislodge something so vital to a person is not likely to simply relinquish its hold upon the item.  but things like the picture to the left keep me mindful that i have a sense of self greater than my current situation and that even in my down time, change still occurs and growth is still happening.

today was not much of a day.  after hyperloading on meds last night, i got a good sleep but didn't feel pushing myself was the way to go.  i'd already cancelled my attendance at the meeting and gave Lonnie the tickets to the Jeckyl and Hyde thing at Stambaugh.  so i took a day to rest.  i said a prayer and fell back to sleep.  got coffee started, and fell back asleep.  i finally got up, had coffee and water, lit incense, took meds and read scripture and meditation book, and fell asleep again.  i got up and started brunch, guess i'd call it, about 10:30 or so, and my brother Jerry stopped by to check on me.  we talked for awhile and then he left for church and i ate my brunch, a chicken, spinach and mushroom flatbread pizza.  i've been watching anime movies on Youtube all day, and i made my dinner about 4, fried chicken, cali blend veggies and mashed potatoes.  i did the dishes, and i got the trash together but not taken out yet.  tomorrow i'm going to do my clothes, take out the trash and go to the store.  need things, been needing them for a minute now.

my back isn't hurting as much, and the Tylenol is handling it for the most part, but i still can't swear that's its just arthritis.  could be though.  i know i keep getting this burning/stinging in my feet, neuropathy, and my fingertips are numb, same thing, and my hands go numb often, same thing.  i know that i am looking toward tomorrow and not seeing a whole lot of active days.  and that sucks.  but the thing about tomorrow is, it never comes.  it's always today, if you're conscious.  today is the only day you have to live.  you have no tomorrows promised to you.  you have no yesterdays you can go back and change.  so the things dealt with today are the important things.  they are the things that make a difference in my life right now.  the rest is just window dressing.  and i'm not going to get off into that.

i've had some nice dreams lately.  Rachel's come into my dreams and we've spoken there at least.  i guess if we have any connection, she's having them too.  but that's yesterday/tomorrow in the real world.  nice not to be pained by it all the time.

i am grateful to Jehovah for my mom and dad, who got and brought me cranberry juice, the kind i needed.  i'm grateful to Lonnie, who came over with Thera-flu and tea, and made me a cup of each, though he was hurting himself.  i'm thankful for my brother and Chris, and Syd, for checking on me as best they can.  i am trying to overlook nothing at this point.  i am not angry at anyone, and i'm not going to live in resentment over other people's behavior, because it kills my chance to be of service, should that opportunity arise.  i don't have to repent what i haven't done, but i have to forgive what humans do, because i do some dumb human shit myself, more often than i care to admit.

keep my job prospects in your prayers, please.