Life In The Void

there may be more to this as time passes.  there will assuredly be more life in the void in my life, but i hope i can find an alternative to this existence, so i don't need to keep riding this.

tell you what it's like, if you can dig it.
this is like the most exciting roller coaster ride you've ever been on...but it's all underground, and you have to ride it in the dark.  all the twists and turns, all the highs, but the highs are lower than ground level.  all the thrills, but none that you can describe, because it's pitch black.  you literally have to just dig the flow and try not to throw up, and pray that this motherfucker doesn't last forever.  that's about as apt as i can put it.

sorry about yesterday, i don't know how i forgot.  guess a good day tends to overwhelm my sensibilities.

i went to my meeting yesterday, which was small and not very insightful, but i stayed sober.  i made my meals, said my prayers and did some more cleaning, and that was a good thing.

today, what can i say?  i got up early, and fell back asleep after my prayer.  i'd taken some medicine that makes me sleepy because it helps with my sore back when it's not UTI related, and the extended sleep did me some good.  i got up for good around 9, went to the kitchen and had coffee as i'd started the pot about 3 hours earlier and it was nice and hot.  i read, took meds, ate breakfast and called my mother, who didn't answer but called me back.  she seemed to be asking me to come over so i told her i'd be by in the afternoon.  i went to the second floor, put in some applications with a focus on work from home stuff, and i got dressed and headed north.  i stayed for a bit, helped my mother with her phone (no problem, just an ill-fitting case that keeps turning the cell phone completely off), and i watched a bit of a movie after an 'Adam Ruins Everything' on On Demand.  i left shortly after my sister came over, not because she came but because i was about to leave anyway.

i got home and had a grilled cheese and soup, but the problem is not me eating so much more.  the problem is the depression and the inactivity.  i'm definitely gaining weight again, and i don't like it.  but i can't get it in gear more than momentarily.  and that's not helping.  i've got hot italian sausage in the oven, going to heat up the last of my greens, and that's dinner.  i changed the living room around a bit, elusive task as i really don't have anything to work with, but we are now qualified to do the impossible with next to nothing.  so, there you go.

i miss her.  but it's been almost three months, and i'm still alive.  so life goes on, right?

the truth sucks sometimes, but it does not poison you.  i'm grateful to Jehovah for the blessing of life.

that's life in the void today.