everything has its own time built into it, i suppose. a thing happens when it's supposed to, not a moment before and not a moment after. it's an easy thing to say, a safe hedging of the bet, so to speak. but i believe it. i'm writing this now because i think it's time to get to work. i'm not pain-free, and it's probable that i won't ever be again, so i have to make some decisions, and i have to take some actions.
i haven't really been praying the past few days, because i have been hurting and struggling. i did go to my wednesday meeting, but i don't think i'm going tomorrow. i've eaten today, half a baked potato loaded with chili and cheese, it was more than i could actually hold, but i ate it. i have to get this prescription filled tomorrow. i have chores to do, but that's really not imperative. i finally had a cup of coffee, probably why i'm still conscious now. but the main thing is, i am trying to get back to keeping track of me, and the things that are going on in my life. so, i am grateful. to my God, first of all. to my friend Lonnie, who looks out for me and goes out of his way to make sure i'm okay. to my counselor, who loves me and actually makes sure that i know it, which is a lot from a counselor (and it means so much because it is so much), i'm grateful for my mom who continues to want to help, even at times feeling that she needs to go above and beyond when the fact of having a mother who cares covers much of the needed things. i'm grateful to a lot more people than that, but that will do for the moment. and i'm going to try to get some sleep now.
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