Fiscal Meditation

likely there should have been more done today, but there wasn't.  reality is what it is, not what it maybe should have been.  its okay though.  faith is not required for the known outcome, it is required for the strength to face the unknown despite the fear such things bring.

title, Fiscal Meditation.  because i'm considering that i may just be in over my head at this point.  i had figured that i'd be okay, most expenditures reduced, and only needing to deal with the immediate bills and gas and food.  but now i've got a bit of a clearer picture, and it shows that i'm going to need to do a damn sight better than i am.  by my calculations, half my income is already accounted for, and it hasn't even gotten here yet.  that half is gas, electric, water, internet and a loan repayment. that's going to be 500 easy.  leaving me with a little over 500.  still have a phone payment.  have my car insurance (150 together, just about), car payment (another 100) and end of life arrangement (40). rounded up, that's about $800 for bills, and actually another 100 to my dad for staying in this space.  that leaves me with under 200 for food for a month, for gas for my car, for any emergency expenditures.  and my meds are going to be about 50 for the last time i ordered.  so, what i am seeing is that i am in over my head.  no way to see it any differently. 

the meditation comes in with the thought that i can take care of some of this now, within the next couple of days that is, and though it will leave the rest of the month tight, it will definitely give me some wiggle room for November.  i don't know what i'm doing for Thanksgiving.  don't particularly care, but i do have some...other considerations, variables that may come into play.  but, again, that's the point of faith.  i don't know how things are going to work out...but i know they will.  i don't know what job is going to come through, but i know one will, and i pray it will be something that plays to my strengths.  i don't know what November is going to roll like...but it's going to roll, and i can either ride it or get run over by it.  and that's something to meditate on, trust me.

today wasn't bad. i spent time at my parent's house, with my mom, briefly with my dad. my mom made me lunch and i baked them chicken for dinner.  i had chili for dinner myself, and i got a couple of the things that i needed from the store. 

i elect to trust Jehovah, and to act in faith, because He has yet to let me down,  that's all i got today.