good weariness

summertime.  just before it got as bad as it was going to get.  but that was a happy day, i remember.  i'd asked Rachel to take some pics of me, some author pictures.  this is my parent's backyard.  honestly, most of the ones she took i didn't like, as she never cared for the ones that i took of her.  but everything is subjective, isn't it?  perhaps the only real difference between she and i was, i would look for the redeemable things in my pictures.  i would think, if the lighting were different, if the colors were a bit more vivid, could there be something in editing that could make this workable?  and i think that's what life is all about.  you don't always get a chance to 'edit', but you always have a chance to change the frame, alter the perspective just slightly, and it might be a whole new outlook on something that was seemingly hopeless not long ago.  always possible, is all i'm saying. 

today wasn't bad.  i wrote some earlier.  i mostly just worked on this piece.  it's called "AlieNation", and the first draft is done.  don't know exactly what i'm going to do with it yet, but i put in a day and got what i wanted from it.  spent the last of the evening remixing and adjusting levels, trying to get a better balance.  it's one of those things; i know nothing about this stuff except what i learn by putting my hands on it, fucking up some things and learning to get things right in tiny, baby-step increments.  but that's good enough.  it's how learning happens.  from how to make a sandwich to how to discern the gravitational pull of a null area in space denoting the possibility of a mass that is beyond sight.  baby-steps until competence comes. 

i'm about to go downstairs.  going to fill up my water bottle. going to watch some cartoons and go to sleep.  got counseling in the morning.  Lonnie's birthday is tomorrow and i'm going to take him to lunch.  my mom wants some time with me so i'll spend some time with her.  maybe even take my bag and do some writing along the way.  i don't know. 

that guy in that picture expected some big things this year.  he got them.  not how he expected them, which goes to show, be specific in your prayers and be careful in your expectations.  and sign nothing without reading the fine print. its cool though.  i wasn't in a house at the beginning of this year either.  change the perspective, find the true picture. 

thank you, Father, for a good day.