yesterday i went over my Financial Meditation details. i spoke candidly, because it doesn't help anything to lie to oneself, and it really does much more harm than good when you get good at the practice of self-deceit. i have made some decisions, and things will work out. as i'd spoke before, the Promises of the program, that come with the continuous development of Step 9, include 'fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us'. i believe that, i truly do. so, i didn't freak out, and have no intention on doing so. what i did was i wrote on it and i went to sleep.
when i got up today, i started the day as i do. i prayed, and i included this in my prayer: Father, i know that i am taken care of. i know that your will will be done and that things are going to work out. i don't know if i have the right to ask for anything specifically, but i need a job. i need something that i can do, something that is in my abilities. according to your will, Father, please help me'. I'm sure that's paraphrased, but that was the essence. i then went to the kitchen, lit incense, took meds, read scripture and meditation book, had coffee and water and had breakfast. i put in a couple of applications, one at Easter Seals and one at Spectrum (formerly Time Warner). i groomed and showered and dressed, as i had a noon meeting to attend to.
i got to the meeting early and i talked to Lonnie and we made arrangements for lunch. the meeting itself was okay, we had a good number of people but we also had no time for discussion, as one individual held the meeting hostage with a lengthy repetitive comment and we had a group conscience meeting/business meeting about our upcoming anniversary next month. but, i got an email from Spectrum, telling me they were going with someone who had more of the qualifications they were looking for. i was glad to get such a swift reply, but also somewhat disheartened as i was hoping for good things from there (it would mean a consideration on my internet bill, perhaps even the addition of cable). but I got something else, as well.
Last month, i'd applied at a company called Conduent, i think. it was for a straight customer service, work from home position. i had applied, did all the information and things and asked to receive updates by email. i wasn't getting updates as to my status but i got several, at least one a day and sometimes more, about other positions at other locations with their company. eventually, i went back to their site and turned off the notifications for the job updates for other positions. i didn't even see the position listed any longer, and figured it was just another prospect down the tubes, and i just had to keep it moving.
well, i got two emails from them today. apparently, they reviewed my stuff and are considering me for a position. there were things i needed to do, like run a diagnostic to determine if my internet speed was on point, and do some assessments that they had pre-hire. i got these emails while i was at the meeting as well.
so i went to lunch with Lonnie, i came home after and i went to my office and did the assessments. i did the speed test for my internet as well. i took a screenshot of the results of the diagnostic and emailed it back to the woman who'd contacted me as per instructions.
i ate dinner eventually, meat loaf sandwich and some of my delicious cod chowder. i have been online, i have a run to make with Syd tomorrow (details to be withheld until next i have a session with my counselor), and i'm going to go see my parents again.
thing is, i am blessed. i don't know if this job will come through or not. i hope it does. but i have FAITH that something is coming. and that is in my Father's time. but i know my prayer was heard. and i can say, there is no better feeling than that. when you are trying, and you know that your effort is seen, it makes you feel worthwhile, validated maybe. definitely cared for and about. it's a good feeling. and i'm very appreciative of it. tomorrow or friday, i'll pay these utilities, i'll pay my phone. i'll cut down on my expenditures from next month's income. and i'll remain faithful, because things are going to get better.
i thank you, Jehovah, for hearing my prayer, for loving me unconditionally, and for allowing me to know that my needs remain met by Your Grace. i'm done.
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