this was a good day. it felt like something better is starting to gel inside of me, and i'm not going to complain about that. it's almost 930, i'm about to put it down for the night, and i'm going to try for some consistency with my actions tomorrow.
first off, i got up before my alarm. been awhile, but it can still happen, apparently. i said my prayers, read my scriptures and meditations. i went down the stairs after i put on my gym clothes, had coffee and water and went to the gym. Yay! well, almost yay.
when i got to the gym, the doors were closed and the lights were out and there were people waiting in the front for the woman who opens to get there. i sat for a minute, then said 'the hell with it' and i left. went to the bank to get my dad some money. came back to the house, parked my car and went for a walk. walked from this street to Mansell, around to Belmont and back to the house. not an especially long walk, but it's been weeks, and it was a start, and it would have been oh, so easy to just say 'fuck it', and go back inside and sleep.
after my walk, i got the newspaper, brought it in, went to get more coffee, took insulin and meds, came up the stairs to heat my mother's coffee and i did some writing on my book. i made myself an omelet and a piece of toast, watched some television and did some more writing. i didn't try to schedule in a bunch of stuff for today, because there was no point to it. tomorrow i resume work, and i need to be fresh and clear for that. i went to the store to get some lunch augmenters, i got my parents some sandwiches from LJS and came home. i had my lunch, doctored their sandwiches until they had some real personality, and i changed the showerhead in my mother's bathroom. i talked to Lonnie, talked to Rachel finally, texted with Syd briefly. i watched some television with my mom, who thought all day that this was Memorial day and shook me up rather badly when she couldn't recall exactly how many seasons there are in a year. i wonder sometimes if this is all that is awaiting me, and then i realize if it is, then so be it. i'm working to put down what i can while i can, and if the time comes when i find myself unable to, i will still seek God's guidance to get me through, just like i do now.
i made my mom a plate from yesterday's meal for her dinner and had two steak tacos fresh from home ingredients. i talked to Keith in Columbus and asked him to let Syd's first daycare person and surrogate mom Ronda know that Syd is graduating this year.
through the day, i've had twinges of pain in my left foot, especially the instep, and i believe the gout has not receded completely, and perhaps it won't. but i have not used my cane and i'm okay right now. i have to arrange hours so i can go to Syd's Thursday ceremony at Stambaugh, i imagine. if i'm able to. if not, i can only say that life is changing for me, as expected, and i am going to be the best person that i can be with the resources i have at my disposal. if i'm able to get there, i will be happy. if not, i'll be working. six of one...
i am blessed. i feel stronger. i fell more centered. i want to get back on the phones and get better at taking calls and resolving customer issues. and i believe i'm capable of that. i thank Jehovah God for getting me through this rough patch, as He always has, and for preparing the road ahead of me, should I awaken tomorrow. good night, sad teddy.
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