my daughter and my father. both ends of my spectrum. could be my son, Deja, and my mother. could be my brothers and sisters. those around me. those who are the shelf upon which i sit, waiting to be read. my support. its so easy to lose focus of them, their importance, their impact.
i had a bad day yesterday, based on a very poor attitude. i got up okay, got myself moving just fine. prayer and scripture and meditation. got breakfast ready for the family, got to my meeting, got lunch, talked to Rachel, Lonnie. the usual stuff. the stuff my days are now comprised of. routine, it is deceptively dangerous sometimes.
the bad part was at work. it showed me how much more i still have to travel, how many calibrations still must be made and met.
i found two days ago that i have to bid on a new shift. while i have greater acceptance of that today, i still find it a bit unprofessional. i was off for four days, medically excused. so it's my fault i didn't know about it sooner than i did. they're rolling out some new employment focus, and everyone is being forced to adjust to it. now, the 3pm to midnight is rough, but i've mostly adjusted. not at the gym today, because i'm working something from the back end, more on that later. but its been hard. and i have been accommodating it and trying to get all this stuff done. adjusting gets harder as you get older. a truth you learn. so, when i hired in, there was limited flexibility. some days, you just had to work whether you wanted to or not, if you wanted the job. and they said the schedule you picked for training was the schedule you would have, period. it would be your training schedule, your work schedule. and i was okay with having to adjust to that. now, i likely won't have it anymore. i may even end up being in a 10 hour day, four days a week situation. and i don't want that. because 10 hours means 13 hours, actually. two lunch breaks, an hour each. 4 fifteen minute breaks. it sounds better, but what it eats up is time. and time is a commodity now. time is time not spent writing, not spent caring for my parents. time is time not being able to see Rachel, not having time to cook, to relax honestly. and those things are going to come under consideration. but. BUT. But i am blessed to have this job, to be able to work, to get started in earnest paying my stuff down. i am going to pray on this, and i'm going to work on being more accepting.
in addition, the time off work with the gout flare-up has put me behind. it's not as bad as i make it out to be. i tried to take on the issues that came on the phones, whether i was actually trained for them or not. only way to learn is to do, make mistakes, accept correction and eventually do it the right way. now? i am struggling with new information. but i struggled with new information since my first day in training. it's going to be fine. i'm going to get caught up. i'm going to get moving again. Z-Phyles is the priority. this is just temporary, until i have a better foundation under me. unless Jehovah says different.
i put in for a schedule change for today. instead of 3p to midnight, i asked for 10a to 7p. if granted, i'll work through lunch, clock out at 6p and make it to Syd's graduation. i really want to see her cross the stage. if i don't, i'll be here, doing what i'm supposed to do. life goes on, with me, without me. i am grateful to be a part of so much at this time. from one end of the spectrum to the other. Thank you, Jehovah, for showing me that things are taken care of.
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