Properly Done in the Morning

being tired sucks.  a LOT.  and you'd think i'd be used to it, as i mostly feel tired all the time.  but there's a difference between feeling tired on your own time, because of what you CHOOSE to do, and being tired because your sleep is compromised by what you HAVE TO DO.  bet there's a difference driving across the country with a loved one sightseeing and enjoying the ride and driving two states over to see about a kid who won't stop fucking up.  right?

anyway, i'm tired.  and some days i've not written.  and yesterday, i wrote once and it went to send feedback, and the second time i had the word 'comma' included where a comma should be, as i was trying to voice-dictate using my phone.  now, i'm going to update early in the day, so some coherency can be seen by self when i finally get around to reviewing this stuff.  only the timeline changes; the plan remains the same.

so, it's friday morning.  i've gotten up, taken Syd to her bus.  i've said my prayer, read my scriptures and my meditation books, i've fought off the constant leg cramps that greet me in the mornings now.  from sitting so long, i'll wager.  going to have to do something about that too.  shorter work day today, as they're having a system issue scheduled for this evening.  LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG day tomorrow, as i have to make up the three hours at the beginning of my saturday shift.  but i got an email about pay, and its almost the end of the first week, and i've survived so far.  and i'm learning stuff.

by the time the shift is over, my brain is barely processing.  it's strange that that is actually not a bad feeling.  it happens so infrequently.  but it's also an indication of how much older i am now.  fifteen years ago, the adjustment would have been pretty quick.  twenty five years ago, it would have been a breeze on a summer day.  now, it's glacial.  guess when you can't change at all, life takes away the need to change by taking itself out of the equation.  anything's possible.

sugar's been better.  sleep is sporadic.  i have counseling today, and i'll come in and go to sleep.  yesterday i couldn't sleep before my shift started.  horrible stuff.

i'm working out the details of Rachel's birthday dinner for monday.  finding things that i need to fix up the area down here for us to eat and spend some time.  don't know what i'm going to get for her.  but that's the end of the process.  i don't have to worry about that just now.

my dad is trying to be nosy.  it's almost funny.  i've told him that i can't be bothered when i'm down here, but twice yesterday he's come down talking to me.  i don't mind at the moment, as i'm not doing phone work.  but when i start taking calls, i'm going to hang a 'do not disturb' sign on the door.  my mom is always surprised when i emerge from the basement at midnight.  'Are you just coming upstairs?'  "i work til midnight...it's midnight."  good times.  i am working on slowing my frustration.  they are being the people they've always been.  i'm changing to be more than i was.  no big issues there.

i'm about to go upstairs and make them some breakfast sandwiches.  then i'm going to go to counseling.  it's going to be a good day.  hell, i woke up and i'm sipping coffee, so it's already a good day and i'm already blessed.  thank you, Father, for your bounty and your love.