the pinch

there is some melancholy today.  its not the worst thing that i could feel.  i don't feel angry, i'm not depressed, i'm not sad.  it is a rainy gray thursday.  i have done the things that i needed to do and i am about to nap.  i feel melancholy.  i will be fine.

i got up and prayed and did the morning things.  took meds, insulin.  i had two eggs, sauteed ham and toast for breakfast.  i got my mental state back online after letting Syd's friend crash here as he was having issues with his mother and his home.  it was not a comfortable decision, but i know my parenting is never going to be taught in whatever passes for Home Ec these days.  i got to the gym before i did meds or breakfast, walked a little over a mile on the treadmill.  after breakfast i had some time so i laid back and fucked around online.  texted back and forth with a columbus friend that i've not talked to in some months, then i went to my doctor's appointment.

numbers were good, weight is coming down again, sugar is good, blood pressure good, A1C good.  doctor was concerned about the A1C being higher than last time, decided to increase my long acting slightly.  no big deal.  talked to Lonnie after i left doctor's office.  he's really down and we made lunch plans.  i went to the store and got stuff to make tuna casserole and a few other things.  shopping is going to have to wait til i get my gift certificate and 717 takes this car payment from my account so i can see what i'm working with.

but i got electric, cable and gas paid.  i've got half a tank of gas.  i've got money coming from Felecia for the editing job this weekend, or should anyway.  i've got a credit card from my bank should worst come to worst, and i am more than willing to accept any help i can get with groceries.  so i'm not complaining.  i feel melancholy.  i'm almost broke and it's five days into the month.  it's going to be a rough month.  but i won't be homeless.  i won't be in the dark.  i won't have to take cold baths and i'll at least have something to watch.  more than a lot of people.  and i'm grateful for that.

but, Father i am feeling the pinch.